Friends: Season 11
by TylrChynnSchlr
Summary: This is my version of Friends, Season 11; if it happened. This is how I think the writers should have or would have written it. Please R&R! Constructive criticism is GREATLY appreciated.
1. The One After The Final One

**(A/N): This takes place right after the last scene in the final episode. This is where they have gone to the coffehouse right before it's time for Monica and Chandler to go to the new house.**

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><p><strong>Friends: <strong>The One After The Final One

[Scene: Central Perk; all the friends are sitting down drinking various sizes of cups of coffee. Ross is sitting on the left table and Rachel is in his lap. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are sitting on the middle couch. Chandler's arm is around Monica's shoulders. And Joey is sitting on the right recliner.]

**Chandler:** And so I said, "Could you _be_ any more arrogant?"

(The gang laughs. Joey laughs and then everyone resumes drinking coffee. Joey looks down and starts sobbing. Everyone exchanges glances. Chandler leans forward to look at Joey.)

**Chandler:** You alright, Joe?

(Joey sniffs)

**Joey:** Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. It's just... I'm gonna miss this... I mean, things are never gonna be the same... and I... I just –

{Joey starts crying again)

**Rachel:** Oh come on, honey! It's not like the six of us aren't ever going to talk to each other again.

**Monica: **Yeah, Chandler and I can come over on the weekends. Or you can come over. We do have a Joey room.

**Joey: **I know, but if I wanted to talk to Chandler or something, I couldn't just walk across the hall and talk to him. I'd have to call him.

(Joey frowns. Chandler sighs.)

**Joey:** And you know, it's not even that. I just feel like all you guys are growing up so much faster than I am. Phoebe's married. Ross and Rachel have a baby. Chandler and Monica just adopted twins and are moving!

(Joey sighs)

**Joey:** And I'm 35 and I don't even have a real girlfriend...

**Phoebe:** Oh come on, Joey. You can get a girlfriend anytime you want.

**Joey:** No, I can have a one night stand anytime I want. Don't you remember the last time I tried to have an actual girlfriend? She didn't like me that way. And I always fall in love with people who don't love me back...

**Ross:** Come on, Joe! That was just one girl. I bet if you tried to have an actual relationship with all the women you meet, you could have a girlfriend in no time!

**Joey:** Maybe...

**Ross:** No, I'm serious. Find someone who would normally just hit on, and ask her out on a date. But, just as friends. You don't want to do too much too soon.

(Ross looks at the entrance to the coffeehouse when an attractive woman walks in towards the counter)

**Ross:** How about her? She seems like your type.

**Joey:** Yeah, she _is_ hot. I'm gonna go talk to her.

**Ross: **Alright, remember. No pick-up lines. No "special" moves. No (imitates Joey) "how you doin'?"'s –

(Joey laughs)

**Joey:** Dude, you _so_ can't pull that off.

**Ross:** Just go talk to her!

**Joey:** OK, OK!

(Joey exhales and slowly walks up to the woman)

**Joey:** Hey. What's your name?

(Woman glances at him and turns to the counter and pays for the muffin she ordered)

**Woman**_(uninterested)_**:** Danielle.

(Joey just stares at her)

**Joey:** Um... I'm – I'm Joey. It's nice to meet you.

**Danielle:** Mhmm...

(Danielle sits down and looks through her phone. Joey, persistent, follows her)

**Joey:** Well, I – I just wanted to see if you wanted to go on a date with me, tonight.

**Danielle:** I'm not looking for a relationship.

**Joey:** Oh, do you have a boyfriend?

(Danielle shakes her head)

**Joey:** Husband?

(She shakes her head again. Joey exhales sharply)

**Joey:** What? Are you gay or something?

(Danielle looks up at him)

**Danielle:** Excuse me?

(The gang jumps up and pulls Joey away from Danielle)

**OPENING CREDITS**

(Monica is holding Joey's shoulders and leading him to the couch. Joey is still staring at Danielle, puzzled. Meanwhile, Danielle is gathering her thoughts. Monica pulls Joey down onto the couch and everyone sits back down.)

**Monica:** Joey! If you want to have a relationship with someone, you don't ask them

if they're gay!

**Joey: **Sorry. Stuff like that usually doesn't happen to me, though. It's like... she wasn't attracted to me.

**Phoebe:** Um, Joey. I don't think she was...

**Joey:** But that's not possible. I mean, I'm _Joey_! I'm irresistible!

**Rachel:** Yeah, but she said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now. She might have been attracted to you, but maybe she has a demanding career, or something...?

**Joey:** You know what it was? My charm wasn't on. I'm gonna go talk to her again, and this time, I'll turn up the charm!

(Joey gets up and Monica stops him)

**Monica:** What are you doing?

**Joey:** Getting a date!

**Monica:** Joey, she obviously isn't interested in you, and probably won't be any time soon. Just move on and find someone else.

**Joey:** Oh, no! I'm not giving up without a fight. No girl has _ever_ turned me down. I have a perfect record!

**Monica:** What about Janine?

**Joey:** Eh, she doesn't count.

**Ross:** What about Charlie?

**Joey:** She doesn't count, either.

**Rachel:** What about me?

**Joey:** You don't count, either!

(Everyone's a little taken aback by Joey's anger and Joey sighs)

**Joey:** Besides I did date Janine, Charlie, and Rachel, all at one time or another, and eventually I'll have Danielle, too.

(A moment passes and everyone is silent)

**Chandler:** Well, hey, what about –

**Joey: **She doesn't count!

(Joey starts to get up and talk to Danielle but Phoebe stops him)

**Phoebe:** Well wait a second, if you ask her out on a date without being friends first, you won't be able to actually have a committed relationship with her. And it'll just be another one night stand. You don't want that do you?

**Joey:** What are you talking about? Of course I do!

**Phoebe: **Well, think about it,what's more important? A perfect record? Or a committed relationship?

(Joey thinks for a second)

**Joey:** Yeah, you're right Pheebs.

**Phoebe:** Thank you.

**Joey:** OK... so I'm gonna go talk to her!

**Everyone:** Wait! Wait!

**Joey:** Oh come on guys! I don't just want to sleep with her. I really do want to have a committed relationship with her.

**Chandler:** I think she's made it clear she isn't interested in you.

**Joey:** Not for long.

(Joey walks back over to Danielle and starts talking to her)

**Chandler:** Well, I guess we should get going.

(Everyone sighs and gets up. Everyone hugs each other)

**Rachel:** I'm gonna miss you guys so much!

(Rachel starts crying. Ross puts his arm around Rachel and consoles her)

**Ross:** Yeah, it's never gonna be the same... We're really going to miss you guys.

**Phoebe:** Make sure you call and visit us as often as you can!

(Everyone gets choked up and hugs Monica. Chandler looks around while everyone starts crying. Chandler clears his throat. Everyone looks at him)

**Chandler:** Hey, uh quick question... how come you guys didn't act like this when I went to Tulsa?

(Everyone looks at each other, searching for an answer)

**Chandler:** Alright, whatever, whatever. It doesn't matter. Let's go, Monica before the twins wake up.

**Monica:** OK.

(Monica grab Jack's stroller and Chandler grabs Erica's stroller. Chandler pats Joey's shoulder to get his attention.)

**Chandler: **See ya later, Joey. We're leaving.

(Chandler opens his arms getting ready to hug Joey. Joey's looking down at Danielle and waves over at Chandler)

**Joey**(_to Chandler_): Yeah, yeah. Later.

**Joey**(_to Danielle_): Are you sure you don't want to go on a date with me?

(Chandler closes his arms, pretending like he's actually hugging Joey)

**Chandler**(_sarcastic_): Oh don't cry, it's gonna be OK. Yeah, I'll miss you, too.

(Chandler sighs and puts his hands in his pockets. He looks back at everyone else and smiles)

**Chandler:** See you guys later!

(Chandler and Monica start to leave)

**Monica:** We'll call you guys when we get there! Bye!

**Phoebe, Rachel, Ross:** Bye! Bye! Talk to you later!

(Chandler and Monica leave. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross all sit down on the couch)

**Rachel: **So I guess that's it, huh?

**Ross:** Well, we won't see them as often as we'd like, but we'll still see them.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, that's true.

(Phoebe's cell phone rings)

**Phoebe:** Oh! It's Mike, he told me had a gig at this café, and he wanted me to see him play. He said he'd call when I should go over.

(Phoebe stands up and grabs her purse)

**Phoebe:** I'll see you guys later!

**Ross, Rachel:** Bye Pheebs!

**Ross:** So what do you want to do now?

**Rachel:** Sulk?

(Ross smiles)

**Ross: **Come on, we need to have some fun. (_gasps_) Let's go to the museum!

(Rachel stares at him)

**Rachel:** Really, Ross? Really?

**Ross:** Alright, fine... Hey. Do you want to do it for the 301st time?

**Rachel**(_smiling_): What are we still doing here?

(Ross and Rachel get up and start to leave)

**Ross, Rachel**: Bye Joey!

**Joey**(_to Ross and Rachel_): Yeah, uh-huh. See ya...

**Joey**(_to Danielle_): Look, you can't be _that_ busy to where you can't go on one date with me!

(Ross and Rachel smile and leave)

**Danielle: **I'll admit, you're attractive. But I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't have the time. My career comes before my love life.

**Joey:** Well that sounds boring...

**Danielle:** It is what it is.

**Joey**(_groans_): C'mon! Please! Just one date?

**Danielle:** Now you just seem desperate...

**Joey:** Because I am! Alright, look. We don't have to go out on a _date_ date, why don't we just go out, and eat dinner as friends?

(Danielle thinks about it for a second and her phone goes off)

**Danielle:** Ugh, I have to take this.

(Danielle looks at Joey)

**Danielle:** Alright, if I say yes, will you stop bugging me?

**Joey: **Yes!

(Danielle's phone rings again and she groans)

**Danielle:** OK, OK! Fine!

(Danielle writes down her number, and a restaurant on a napkin and hands it to Joey)

**Danielle:** Just meet me there at 8'clock.

(Danielle answers her cell phone, and walks out)

**Joey:** Thanks! I'll see you tonight!

(Joey smiles and turns around)

**Joey:** Guys! She said yes! I have a date tonight!

(Joey sees that everyone is gone and looks around)

**Joey**(_under his breath_): What the hell? Where is everyone...?

(Joey leaves)

[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross starts to get undressed but Rachel stops him]

**Rachel:** Hold on Ross...

**Ross: **What?

(Rachel sighs)

**Ross: **Oh, god. Don't tell me you aren't ready to get back together.

(Ross groans over dramatically and Rachel laughs)

**Rachel:** No. I kind of want to have the where-are-we talk...

**Ross:** Oh come on, Rach. You know I'm not good at those.

**Rachel:** No, I know. But this relationship is kind of confusing. I mean, we're _finally_ together. And I don't want anything to screw that up.

**Ross:** So... we can't have sex?

**Rachel:** Ross!

**Ross:** I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Listen, Rach. We've been through a lot, right?

(Rachel nods)

**Ross: **We love each other, right?

(Rachel nods)

**Ross: **So what do we have to worry about?

**Rachel: **Our careers? Our jealousy? Our friends? Our baby?

**Ross: **Whoa, OK... Um, well, did those things ever stop our love before?

**Rachel:** Yes! All of them did!

**Ross**: Right, right... but, uh... that's over with. I'm going to stop being jealous and stop putting things before you.

(Ross puts his hands over Rachel's and puts them together)

**Ross:** Because I am madly in love with you, Rach. And I won't let a damn thing get in the way of that. Ever.

**Rachel**(_choked up_): Oh, Ross. OK. Alright, you're right. I was just being paranoid.

(Rachel smiles and they both start to get undressed again. Emma starts crying from the next room)

**Rachel:** Oh, Emma's hungry. Just wait in there Ross. I'll be right back!

**Ross**(_sighing_): I'll be here!

(Ross smiles)

[Scene: Café where Mike plays at; Mike is tuning the baby grand piano. Phoebe is sitting at one of the front tables, bored. Mike and Phoebe are the only ones in the café.]

(Phoebe looks at her watch)

**Phoebe:** When does this place open?

**Mike:** In about an hour...

**Phoebe:** An hour? Mike, why did you tell me to come here if it's gonna be an hour before I get to see you play?

**Mike:** I thought you would have liked to see me practice...

**Phoebe:** Well, I guess. But I was enjoying coffee with my friends. That was the last time the five of us were going to be together for awhile.

**Mike:** Five? There- there's six of you.

**Phoebe**(_smiling_)**:** Nuh-uh.

(Phoebe counts on her fingers)

**Phoebe: **There's Joey, Monica, Rachel, Ross... and me! That's five.

**Mike:** What about Chandler?

(Phoebe sits and thinks)

**Phoebe**(_laughing_): Oh right! I'm sorry, you're right! Wow, I totally forgot about him!

(Phoebe laughs and Mike rolls his eyes)

**Mike:** Well, I'm sorry I broke you apart from your friends. I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together.

**Phoebe:** You're right, I'm sorry. Do you need any help?

**Mike:** Yeah, actually. Can you press some of those keys? I wanna see if I'm tuning this right...

**Phoebe:** Sure.

(Phoebe walks over to the piano and bumps into the hinge which keeps the lid of the piano up. The lid crashes down on Mike's hands. Mike screams in pain. Phoebe steps back in shock)

**Phoebe:** Oh my God, Mike!

(Phoebe runs over to Mike and then lifts the top off of Mike's hands)

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's new house; the movers have just brought in the last of the boxes. Monica and Chandler walk in with Jack and Erica.]

**Monica**(_to the movers_): Thanks! You guys did a great job!

(Monica smiles and closes the door)

**Chandler:** Yeah, great job... What kind of movers are they?

**Monica:** Chandler...

**Chandler:** I just can't believe they let Pat the Dog fall off the truck...

**Monica**(_pretending to be sad_): I know, I know.

**Chandler:** Joey's going to be so mad... What am I gonna tell him?

**Monica:** Oh come on, Chandler, let's not think about that right now. We have to put Jack and Erica down so we can unpack!

(Chandler groans over dramatically)

**Monica:** Come on Chandler, it won't take any time at all.

**Chandler:** Monica. We've been driving for two hours. I'm tired...

**Monica:** The sooner we get this done, the sooner you can go to sleep.

**Chandler**: Fine! But I'm not gonna be happy about it.

**Monica:** Fine by me.

(Chandler sighs and sets Jack and Erica down in their strollers and opens one of the boxes. Chandler grabs a stack of plates totally wrapped in bubble wrap)

**Monica:** Careful with those!

**Chandler:** I'll be careful.

(Chandler pretends to lose his balance and almost drop the plates)

**Monica:** Chandler!

**Chandler:** OK, OK. I promise to be careful.

(Chandler sets the plates on a counter and unwraps them. Monica grabs all the silverware and organizes it. The phone rings)

**Monica: **I'll get it!

(Monica answers the phone)

**Monica:** Who's this?

(Phoebe is in the hospital waiting room, a little bit away from Mike, and Mike is sitting down, in pain)

**Phoebe:** It's Phoebe.

**Monica**(_to Chandler_)**: **It's Phoebe.

(Chandler nods and puts some plates in the cupboard)

**Monica: **What's up Phoebe?

**Phoebe**(_on phone_): Me and Mike are at the hospital.

(Monica pulls the phone away and puts her hand on the speaker)

**Monica**(_to Chandler_): Phoebe and Mike are at the hospital!

**Chandler:** What?

(Chandler walks over and puts his ear to the other end of the cell phone. Monica puts her ear back to the speaker)

**Monica:** Phoebe... why are you at the hospital?

**Phoebe:** Well, you see, Mike had a little accident with the piano... and um, his hands might be broken...

**Monica:** Oh my God! Is he- is he gonna be OK?

**Phoebe:** We don't know anything yet, we're still in the waiting room. I just wanted to let you all know where we were.

**Monica:** Well, should Chandler and I come down there?

**Phoebe:** Oh, no. You don't have to do that. It's a two and a half hour drive, and we'll probably be gone before you guys even get here. Just, you know, send good thoughts out in the Universe, please.

**Monica:** OK, but let us know if you guys need anything... Alright... Well, bye...

(Monica hangs up. Her and Chandler sigh)

**Monica: **Ugh, I hate this. I want to be there. I mean, what if someone else we loved was in the hospital? We'd have to drive two and a half hours just to see them!

(Chandler puts his arms around Monica)

**Chandler:** I know, I know. It's gonna be tough not seeing our friends for awhile, but it's best for the twins...

**Monica:** You're right, you're right. Jack and Erica come first...

**Chandler:** You gonna be OK?

**Monica**(_pouty_): I guess...

(Chandler sighs)

**Chandler: **Do you... wanna do some more unpacking?

**Monica**(_excited_)**:** Are you kidding me?

(Monica breaks apart from Chandler and continues to unpack. Chandler smiles)

[Scene: Ross's apartment; Ross is lying down on the bed, looking through a catalogue. Rachel stands in the doorway wearing lingerie, lustfully looking at Ross]

**Ross:** Is Emma all taken care of?

**Rachel:** She is sound asleep...

(Rachel jumps over to the bed and her and Ross start to make out when Rachel's phone rings. Ross pulls back and sighs)

**Rachel:** It's Phoebe...

(Rachel answers the phone)

**Rachel:** What's up Pheebs? ...Why? ...Oh my God, is he gonna be OK?

**Ross:** What? Is who gonna be OK?

**Rachel:** SH-USH-SHUSH! Uh-huh. OK... We'll be right there... Bye.

(Rachel hangs up the phone, looks at Ross and sighs)

**Ross:** What is it?

**Rachel:** We're gonna have to put this on hold for a little while. Phoebe and Mike are at the hospital.

**Ross:** What? Why?

**Rachel:** I don't know, Mike was tuning a piano or something and he broke his hands.

**Ross:** Is he gonna be OK?

**Rachel:** We're not sure yet. Come on, we gotta go. Go get Emma.

(Ross groans and goes to Emma's room. Rachel rolls her eyes, and walks in Ross's direction)

[Scene: Hospital waiting room; Phoebe is pacing and biting her nails and Mike is sitting down. Phoebe sits down next to Mike]

**Phoebe:** I am so, _so_ sorry Mike.

**Mike**(_smiling_): Oh don't worry about it, Phoebe. I should be fine.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, maybe, but what if something is really wrong with your hand and it will never be back to normal and you can never play piano ever again?

**Mike:** You know, Pheebs, I didn't think about it that way. But thanks for that dream-crushing possibility.

**Phoebe:** Sorry...

**Mike**(_sighing_)**: **It's fine...

(Phoebe and Mike sit there. A moment of silence)

**Phoebe:** So... does it hurt?

**Mike:** Oh, nah, it's not that bad.

**Phoebe:** Really?

**Mike:** No. It's actually one of the worst pains I've ever experienced.

(Phoebe is staring at him, concerned, when Rachel and Ross walk in)

**Mike:** Oh, look Phoebe, there's Ross and Rachel. I, uh, I would wave them over, but I've kinda go the whole broken hand thing going on, so...

(Phoebe waves Rachel and Ross over)

**Phoebe:** Guys over here!

(Rachel and Ross see Phoebe, walk over and sit down)

**Rachel:** Oh my God, Mike, are you OK? Can you move your hand?

**Mike: **No, not really...

(Phoebe frowns)

**Ross:** Hey, did anyone call Joey? Where is he?

**Phoebe:** No, he called me earlier and told me he had a date with the girl at the coffeehouse and I didn't want him to miss his date.

**Rachel: **Really? He actually got her to say yes?

**Phoebe: **Yeah, I couldn't believe it either!

(Everyone starts to talk about Joey when a nurse comes out to the waiting room)

**Nurse:** Mike Hannigan?

(Phoebe and Mike stand up and Phoebe looks back at Ross and Rachel)

**Ross:** You guys go ahead, Rachel and I will just wait here.

(Phoebe and Mike follow the nurse and Rachel and Ross sit in the waiting room. A moment passes)

**Ross:** Hey, um, how long do you think Phoebe and Mike will be gone?

**Rachel: **I don't know, 15? 30 minutes?

**Ross:** Hmm, that sounds like just enough time to... y'know.

**Rachel:** I think it just might... Dr. Geller.

(Rachel and Ross smile)

**Rachel:** Oh, wait, wait, wait. What about Emma?

(Ross thinks)

**Ross:** ...Phoebe and Mike can watch her.

(Ross grabs the stroller and tries to catch up to Phoebe and Mike. Rachel laughs)

[Scene: Joey's apartment; Joey is looking in the mirror and straightening his tie when Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. walk by, quacking and chirping. Joey smiles and crouches down to talk to them]

**Joey: **Hey guys, guess what? I'm going on a date tonight. You guys should wish me luck because I am really gonna need it.

(Duck Jr. quacks)

**Joey:** Ha ha, yeah. It _is_ gonna be tough to not...well you know. But I really do want a committed relationship. I mean, I deserve at least that, right?

(Chick Jr. chirps)

**Joey:** Yeah, see he agrees with me.

(Joey stands up and takes another look at himself in the mirror)

**Joey:** Alright, I guess I'm gonna go now.

(Joey grabs his coat and starts to head out the door, but then he turns back to the chick and the duck)

**Joey:** Duck Jr., you're in charge, make sure that the chick doesn't get into any trouble, alright?

(Duck Jr. quacks)

**Joey:** Alright.

(Joey leaves)

[Scene: Hospital corridor; Ross has him arm around Rachel. They are both giggling quietly and are headed toward a supply closet]

**Rachel**(_whispering_): So are you sure we can do it here? I mean, we've been kicked out of like... 6 rooms,_ and_ the private restroom.

**Ross**(_whispering_): Yeah, I'm sure. No one comes in here, and we shouldn't be in here long...

**Rachel**(_smiling_): This is so cool. I've never... you know, done it, in a place like this.

**Ross**(_whispering_): I know me neither! Alright come on, we gotta hurry up before Phoebe comes looking for us.

(Ross opens the door and they are about to walk in when Phoebe runs over. Mike is walking behind her wearing casts on both hands)

**Phoebe:** There you guys are! We've been looking everywhere!

(Ross and Rachel sigh and turn to Phoebe and Mike)

**Phoebe:** Guess what! The doctor said that Mike's hands will be good as new in 5 to 8 weeks! Yay!

**Ross and Rachel**(_apathetic_): Yay!

(Phoebe and Mike smile)

[Scene: Restaurant; the host leads Joey to a table for two and hands Joey a menu while setting the other one down on the table.]

**Host:** A waiter will be by soon to take your order.

(Joey nods and the host leaves. Joey starts to look at the menu when Danielle walks in)

**Joey:** Hey, you made it! Come on, sit down, I'm just about to order.

**Danielle:** I see you already got a table...

**Joey:** Yeah, what are... _friends_,for?

(Danielle looks upset)

**Joey:** Why? Is something wrong?

**Danielle:** Oh, no. But, um... you know? I'll just get another chair.

(Joey looks confused as Danielle gets another chair and puts it next to hers. Danielle sits down and looks at the menu)

**Joey:** What... what's that chair for?

**Danielle:** Oh, I invited my friend Hank to join us.

**Joey:** Who – who's Hank?

(Hank walks in and sits next to Danielle, Hank looks at Joey)

**Hank**(_smiling_): Hey, nice to meet you... Joey is it?

(Hank puts a hand out for Joey to shake it, but Joey just stares at him. He turns to Danielle)

**Joey:** Who's Hank?

**Danielle:** Hank is my coworker.

**Hank:** Yeah, Danielle and I are writers for a fashion magazine.

(Danielle smiles at Hank and looks at Joey)

**Joey:** Well, why did you invite him? I thought this was gonna be just the two of us...

**Danielle: **It was, but you said we were just gonna be going as friends. I didn't think you'd mind if I brought Hank along.

**Joey:** I don't _know_ Hank.

**Danielle:** Well, why don't you get to know him? Come on, it'll be fun, right?

**Hank:** It's gonna be _so_ fun! Oh look! The waiter's here!

(Joey, unamused, fake-smiles at them)

[Scene: Restaurant; Danielle, Hank, and Joey have all eaten and there is a little bit of food still left on Hank's and Danielle's plates. Joey's plate is totally clean of course. Joey has an exhausted look while Hank and Danielle are talking and laughing]

**Danielle: **And could you believe how he also thought that no one would see the resumé he left in the copier?

**Hank:** I know, I know! Like, make it more obvious that you hate all of us and want to quit! Right?

(Danielle and Hank laugh. Joey looks at his watch and then at Danielle. He sighs)

**END CREDITS**

[Scene: Ross's apartment; Rachel and Ross are in bed]

**Rachel:** Wow...

**Ross:** I know.

**Rachel:** That was _definitely_ worth the wait...

**Ross:** Hey, do you maybe, wanna do it again?

**Rachel**(_smiling_): Sure...

(Ross and Rachel start to make out when Emma starts crying. Ross pulls away)

**Ross:** Dammit!

**END**

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><p><strong>(AN): Thanks for reading! I do updates on this story every Thursday with the exception of holiday weeks. Anyway, please R&R! **


	2. The One With Mike's Painkillers

**(A/N): Thanks for the reviews, guys! :D Again, any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! So don't be afraid to tell me anything!**

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><p>The One With Mike's Painkillers<p>

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment; Rachel is slicing a banana and putting it in a small bowl of Cheerios and milk. She puts a spoon in the bowl and walks over to Emma in her highchair. She kisses Emma on the forehead and smiles.]

**Rachel: **Here's your breakfast, sweetie.

(Rachel walks back into the kitchen area)

**Rachel: **Let me just get your juice...

(Rachel reaches for Emma's sippy-cup when Emma pushes the bowl away)

**Emma**(_pouting_): No!

**Rachel:** ...What was that?

**Emma:** No!

**Rachel:** Aw, Emma, honey. I thought you liked cereal.

**Emma:** No!

**Rachel**(_frowning_): Well, what do you want?

(Emma just keeps pouting and Rachel sighs. Rachel walks into the kitchen to find something else)

**Rachel:** Ugh, there's nothing here...

(Rachel sighs and grabs the phone. She dials and waits for Ross to pick up)

[Scene: Ross's classroom; Ross is teaching one of his classes and is clicking through a power point]

**Ross: **And when you compare the maps, you can see why certain fossils are found where they are. Because when it comes to an organism's habitat –

(Ross's phone rings and he looks at the caller ID)

**Ross: **Oh, sorry class. It's my girlfriend. This could be about my daughter... so I'm gonna have to take this. ...Y'know, just in case something is wrong –

(Ross looks at the class and realizes that no one is paying attention)

**Ross:** - and you don't care... I'm just gonna... yeah.

(Ross turns around and answers the phone)

**Ross:** Rachel, hey. Is this about Emma?

**Rachel: **Yeah, do we have anything for Emma to eat for breakfast? She's really fussy right now.

**Ross:** I thought we bought her some cereal yesterday.

**Rachel: **She doesn't want it...

**Ross:** What? It's her favorite!

**Rachel:** I know! But she keeps saying no.

**Ross:** Um, OK. Well, just keep trying and I'll be home when I'm done teaching my last class.

**Rachel:** OK, I'll try. Do you want to talk to Emma before I hang up?

**Ross:** Yeah, sure.

(Rachel hands the phone to Emma)

**Rachel: **Do you wanna talk to daddy?

(Emma holds the phone to her ear)

**Ross: **Hey Emma! Daddy would really like you to eat your breakfast.

(Emma doesn't say anything and Ross frowns)

**Ross:** Well, daddy loves you!

(Ross makes kissy noises into the phone and the whole class stops talking and looks at him. Ross realizes that it just got quiet and stops. He looks over at the class)

**Ross**(_into phone_): Talk to you later, bye.

(Ross hangs up and turns back to the class. Ross clears his throat)

**Ross**(_awkwardly_): So, um, where were we?

**OPENING CREDITS**

[Scene: Chandler and Monica's house; the house has been fully unpacked. Chandler is asleep on the couch. Monica is standing in front of the couch, facing away from Chandler]

**Monica**(_smiling_): It's finally finished! It took all night... but it's all finished! Thanks for staying up all night and helping me, Chandler. You can go to sleep now. ...Chandler?

(Monica turns around and sees Chandler sleeping)

**Monica: **Chandler!

(Chandler wakes up)

**Chandler:** Huh, ha, wha, what?

**Monica:** You can go to sleep now.

**Chandler:** And you had to _wake me up_ to tell me that...?

**Monica:** Oh... sorry.

**Chandler:** Nah, it's OK.

(Chandler gets up and puts his arm around Monica)

**Monica: **So now that we're finally done unpacking, what do you want to do?

**Chandler:** We could play with the twins.

**Monica:** No, I finally got them to sleep and I don't want to wake them up.

**Chandler:** Alright, OK, we could go down to the coffeehou – oh.

**Monica:** Except we can't...

**Chandler:** Alright, alright, this is fine. We don't have to go to the coffeehouse, we can just... Well, you know, we could... Why don't we...

(Chandler sighs)

**Chandler:** What did we do when we _weren't_ at the coffeehouse?

(Monica and Chandler think for a second)

**Monica:** Oh! Oh right! We were at work! Oh, wait a second... Ugh, throughout all of this, I totally forgot about looking for a job around here!

**Chandler:** Wait a second, I thought you quit so you and I could be with the twins. You said you didn't want to hire a nanny, and that's why I asked my boss if I could work at home instead of at the office...

**Monica**(_sighing_): I know. But I quit before I knew we were gonna have _twins_. So, we're going to have to spend twice as much money as we intended. And if we have to pay mortgage, I don't think your salary alone is going to cut it.

**Chandler:** Alright then, go find a job. I'll still be able to watch Jack and Erica while you're at work.

**Monica**: Yeah, but... it's gonna take me forever to find a job!

**Chandler:** Oh, don't worry, you're a great chef. You can find a job in no time.

**Monica: **OK, well...I should probably start looking now, then.

**Chandler:** You mean _now_ now? Because I'm tired and someone needs to watch the twins...

**Monica**(_smiling_): OK, you go to sleep and I'll look after the twins.

(Chandler kisses Monica)

**Chandler:** Love you, Mon.

(Chandler walks towards Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Monica sighs and walks over to the twin's mobile crib. She smiles)

[Scene: Central Perk; Rachel is sitting on the couch and Emma is sitting next to her. Rachel looks exasperated.]

**Rachel:** Do you want a... cookie?

**Emma:** No.

**Rachel:** A muffin?

**Emma:** No.

(Rachel sighs)

**Rachel:** Well, what do you want?

(Ross enters and sits down next to Emma)

**Ross:** Alright, Emma, what's this I hear about you not eating anything?

**Rachel:** I keep offering her things but she doesn't want anything I give her.

**Ross:** Did she eat _anything_ for breakfast?

**Rachel: **I eventually got her to eat the cereal but it took forever! And now she doesn't want _anything_ to eat for lunch.

(Ross sighs when Joey enters. Joey looks sad and sits down on the armchair on the right. He sighs)

**Ross:** Hey Joe, you alright?

**Rachel: **I'm guessing your date didn't go so well?

**Joey: **I wouldn't exactly call it a date...

**Rachel:** Why not?

**Joey:** Well, she invited her friend to come eat with us! And she thought I'd be cool with it, because I said we were just gonna go out to eat as friends. And so, the whole night, her and her friend, Hank, were just talking. She didn't even pay any attention to me...

**Rachel:** Aw, Joey, I'm sorry.

**Joey: **It's OK, I knew it wasn't gonna work out anyway...

**Ross:** Why do you say that?

**Joey:** She didn't show much interest in me when I first started talking to her, and I know she just invited Hank because she didn't want to be alone with me.

(Joey sighs)

**Joey: **It's too bad, too... I really liked her...

**Rachel:** Well, if you _really_ like her, why don't you ask her out again?

**Joey:** You think I should?

**Rachel: **If you really like her.

**Joey:** I really do. And I want to... but, she doesn't like me.

**Rachel:** Yeah, but like you said, you didn't have your "Joey charm" on. You've tried to be her friend first, and that didn't work, so why don't you just do what you usually do, but instead of _not_ calling her back... you do.

**Joey:** But I don't think I want to. I kinda want to be her friend first. You know, build a connection like you and Rachel. And Monica and Chandler. It's just... I don't think she likes me in that way.

**Ross:** Listen, Joey. If you really like her, you should go for it.

**Rachel:** And if she doesn't like you, it's her loss.

(Joey thinks about it for a second)

**Joey:** Yeah. Yeah, you know, you're right. I'm gonna call her. Thanks guys!

(Joey gets up and exits. Ross turns to Emma)

**Ross:** So, Emma, do you want some... dinosaur chicken nuggets for lunch?

(Rachel scoffs)

**Rachel:** Ross! Stop forcing dinosaurs on our child!

**Ross:** Shhh! Let her decide!

(Emma thinks for a couple seconds)

**Emma: **No!

(Ross and Rachel sigh)

[Scene: Phoebe and Mike's apartment; Phoebe is sitting at the island, eating toast when Mike stumbles out and struggles to sit next to Phoebe. Mike looks like he is in pain]

**Mike:** Hey, Phoebe...

**Phoebe:** Hi Mike.

**Mike:** Yeah, I was just gonna have some breakfast...

**Phoebe**(_smiling_): OK.

(Mike struggles to get up. Mike gets up and walks towards the fridge. He tries to grab the fridge door handle, but the cast is too large and he can't fit his fingers around the handle. He looks down at his arms and contemplates how to open the fridge. He twists the upper half of his body and his arm swings into the fridge door handle)

**Mike: **Ow...

(Mike sighs and tries again, only to get the same result)

**Mike:** Ow...

(Mike tries one more time)

**Mike:** Ow! –

**Phoebe**(_smiling_): You know, Mike, if you need something you can just ask.

(Mike laughs and turns to Phoebe)

**Mike:** No thanks, Pheebs, I got it all under control. I just got to be quick about it. Just one... fluid motion...

(Mike tries it one more time and hits his arm, again)

**Mike:** Ow, ow, ow, ow...

(Phoebe gets up and walks over to Mike)

**Phoebe:** OK, Mike...

(Phoebe opens the fridge)

**Phoebe:** What do you need?

**Mike:** I was gonna get a beer...

**Phoebe: **Why? You just woke up!

**Mike:** Yeah... but it should at least numb the pain...

**Phoebe:** Why don't you just take the painkillers the nurse gave you?

**Mike**: Ah, I don't believe in western medicine.

**Phoebe**(_gasps_): Me neither!

(Mike smiles and so does Phoebe. Phoebe stands there for a second, thinking)

Phoebe: Wait, you just took aspirin the other day!

**Mike**(_sighs_): Yeah but that's different. That was over the counter, and it's... safer... than prescription.

**Phoebe:** No it isn't, it's the same thing! Just, come on Mike, take the pills and you'll feel better.

**Mike:** Alright! Fine, fine! But if I suffer from one of these side effects... I'll... I'll sue!

**Phoebe**(_sarcastic_): Oooh, I'm so scared.

(Mike glares at Phoebe and goes to get the painkillers. He tries to twist the cap off, but fails. Phoebe is tired of watching so she just walks over to Mike, grabs the bottle, and opens it for him)

**Phoebe:** Your welcome!

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's living room; Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]

**Monica:** Yes... I understand... Thanks anyway... Bye.

(Monica hangs up the phone and sighs. Chandler enters)

**Chandler:** Hey Mon.

(Chandler walks up to Monica and kisses the top of her head)

**Chandler:** Who was that?

**Monica:** The head chef of that French restaurant, downtown.

**Chandler:** Oh? What'd they say?

**Monica**(_sighing_): Well, I asked them if they were hiring and she said they weren't, but I should still give them my resumé in case they have an opening.

**Chandler:** Will you?

**Monica:** I don't know. I've called about a dozen places, and none of them are hiring. Besides, I don't think I want a job that bad, anyways.

**Chandler:** But what about the added expense?

**Monica:** Sure, money will be tight, but... it's nothing we can't work past. I just... I don't think I would be able to leave Jack and Erica for half the day.

**Chandler:** Yeah, I understand.

**Monica:** I mean, sure, we might have Spaghettios for dinner sometimes. Or we might have to go a few days without electricity...

(Chandler's eyes widen)

**Monica:** But, hey, at least I'll be able to spend time with my babies!

(Monica walks over to Jack and Erica. She picks one of them up and kisses them on their head. Chandler laughs awkwardly and walks over to Monica. Monica starts rocking the baby in her arms)

**Chandler:** And... you're OK with that?

**Monica**(_smiling_): Of course I am!

**Chandler:** OK, alright, I don't think you not working will have that big an affect on our life, but...

(Chandler sighs)

**Chandler: **OK, how about this; you give all those restaurants you called, your resumé. And until they call you and ask you to come in for an interview, you can spend all day, every day, here with me and the kids.

(Monica smiles)

**Monica:** That sounds good...

**Chandler:** OK, then.

(Chandler smiles and kisses Monica when his phone rings. He looks at the caller ID)

**Chandler:** It's Phoebe.

(Monica nods and Chandler answers the phone, he puts it on speakerphone)

**Chandler:** Hello?

[Scene: Mike is on the couch and looks a little drunk. Mike is on the phone. The phone is between his shoulder and his chin]

**Mike**: Mom? When did your voice get deeper?

**Chandler:** Phoebe? When did you... start... calling me... mom?

**Mike:** What? No, this isn't Phoebe. Mom, it's me, Mike.

**Chandler:** Um, Mike this is Chandler.

**Mike**: Oh hey, Chandler! Why are you at my mom's house...?

**Chandler:** What? I'm not! Mike, you called the wrong number.

**Mike:** No. No, no, no, no, no, no. I pressed speed dial 3...

**Chandler:** Yeah, on Phoebe's phone.

**Mike**(_over phone_): Oh hey, you're right.

**Mike:** This_ is_ Phoebe's phone. OK, well then, I'll um...

(Mike starts to fall asleep)

**Chandler:** Mike? ...Mike? ...Mike!

(Mike wakes up)

**Mike:** Huh? Oh, yeah... um, bye.

(Mike hangs up. Chandler hangs up the phone and turns to Monica)

**Monica:** Wow.

**Chandler:** Right?

**Monica:** Can you believe we're only number 3 on Phoebe's speed dial?

(Chandler sighs)

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

[Scene: Joey's apartment; Joey is sitting on the bar stool by the island. He's looking at the napkin Danielle gave him early and dialing the number on the phone. He puts it to his ear and waits for her to pick up. The phone rings a few times and Danielle's answering machine picks up]

**Danielle's Voice**: Hi, this is Danielle Pearce. I'm not available right now so please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

(The phone beeps and Joey sighs)

**Joey:** Hey, Danielle, it's Joey. I... uh, well, I had a really good time last night and I was just wondering if you would like to go out with me again sometime. I think it would be fun. So... yeah.

[Scene: Danielle's apartment; Danielle is on her couch reading a magazine while listening to Joey's message as it's being recorded she sighs and walks over to the answering machine]

**Joey:** Well um... Call me when you get this message-

**Danielle**(_over phone_): Hi, Joey...

**Joey:** Danielle?

**Danielle**: Yeah.

**Joey:** Oh, um, hi. So... what do you say?

**Danielle:** I don't know, Joey.

**Joey:** Look, I'm not asking you out on a _date_ date. However, I'm not really asking you out as a friend, either.

**Danielle:** Joey, I told you I don't have time for any sort of romantic relationship.

**Joey:** I know, I know. And I'm not saying I want a romantic relationship right now, but I just want to go out to dinner with you. Just you and me, as friends. I just want to get to know Danielle. Not Danielle and Hank.

(Danielle sighs)

**Danielle:** Fine, OK, fine. I'll... I'll go out with you. But no romantic stuff. I do _not_ want a boyfriend.

**Joey:** I promise, no romantic stuff. Just you and me, as friends.

**Danielle**(_hesitating_): Alright, so... meet me at the restaurant tonight at nine, OK?

**Joey:** Sounds good.

**Danielle:** Good. I'll see you tonight.

(Danielle hangs up the phone and sighs)

**Joey:** Yeah... see you tonight.

(Joey hangs up the phone and smiles)

[Scene: Ross's apartment; Emma and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross comes in from the kitchen holding a plate with dinosaur chicken nuggets on it]

**Rachel: **Really, Ross? She already said she didn't want any.

**Ross:** I know, I know. But I read somewhere that you can't give your child the option of not eating what you give them.

**Rachel:** Ross, you can't force Emma to eat something she doesn't want to.

(Ross sets the plate down on Emma's highchair)

**Ross:** No, come on. If I don't give her any other choice she'll eat it.

**Rachel:** That's how this whole mess started in the first place!

**Ross:** Just put her in the highchair and see what she does.

**Rachel**(_sighing_): OK...

(Rachel sets Emma in the highchair. Ross and Rachel stare at Emma to see what she's gonna do next. Emma just stares at it and shoves it away. Ross and Rachel groan)

[Scene: Restaurant; Joey is sitting down at a table for two at the same restaurant as before. He's adjusting his tie when Danielle walks in.]

**Joey:** Hey Danielle!

(Danielle smiles and sits down across from Joey)

**Joey:** Listen, I'm really glad you agreed to coming here.

**Danielle: **It's no problem. But I do want to be very clear; I do_ not_ want a boyfriend, OK?

**Joey:** I understand completely. I really just want to be your friend.

(Danielle smiles and looks at her menu)

**Joey:** So... uh, why don't you tell me about yourself?

**Danielle:** That sounds like a "first date"-question...

**Joey:** It isn't. I just want to get to know you.

**Danielle:** OK, well... I work for Vogue magazine. I've been working there for almost 7 years now. I started as an intern and worked my way up.

**Joey:** Oh, that's pretty cool. You must be proud.

**Danielle**(_smiling_): Yeah, I am. And I'm just below our division's head boss. She comes to us first if she ever wants our opinion on anything. And that's why the position I'm in is very selective. They only ever have three people at once. Me, my roommate Hank, and my best friend, Audrey.

**Joey:** Wait a second... you _live_ with Hank?

**Danielle:** Yeah. For awhile now.

**Joey:** Have you two ever...? You know... been... romantically involved?

**Danielle**(_laughing_): No. Hank has a girlfriend. They've been together for almost a year, I don't know why he hasn't moved out yet.

**Joey: **Oh, OK.

**Danielle: **So, tell me about yourself.

**Joey: **Oh, alright... Well, I grew up in Queens. I have 7 sisters. I'm a fan of the Knicks. And I'm an actor.

**Danielle:** Really...? Have I seen you in anything?

**Joey:** Well, I play Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of Our Lives

**Danielle:** Really?

(Joey is about to explain further when the waiter walks up)

**Waiter:** Good evening, what can I get you to drink?

**Joey:** Uh... yes. Me, and the lovely lady here, will have some red wine.

(The waiter smiles and writes the order down)

**Waiter:** Alright, coming right up.

(Danielle leans closer to Joey)

**Danielle:** You know, I can order for myself.

**Joey:** Yeah, but I thought it would be a... gentleman-ly thing to do.

**Danielle:** Maybe, but if we are just friends, I think I should order for myself. Plus... how did you know I wanted red wine?

**Joey**(_smiling_): Um, I don't know. You just seemed like a red wine type... of... person?

(Danielle laughs. Joey laughs, too and then Danielle sighs)

**Joey**: What's the matter?

**Danielle:** I don't know... it's just. This really feels like a date.

**Joey:** Trust me, it's not.

**Danielle:** ...OK, so you're telling me that you really just want to be friends.

**Joey:** Yes!

**Danielle:** And you don't have the intention of dating me... ever?

**Joey:** ...Well, I -

**Danielle:** Ugh! I knew it! You really are just like everyone else, huh?

(Danielle sighs and starts to get a little choked up. Joey doesn't know what to say next. Danielle stands up)

**Danielle: **You know what? I can't go through this again...

(Danielle runs out of the restaurant and Joey stands up to go after her)

**Joey:** Danielle! Danielle! Wait!

[Scene: Phoebe and Mike's apartment; Mike is asleep on the couch, cuddling a tomato, when Phoebe walks in. Phoebe sets her coat and purse on the end table and walks over to Mike]

**Phoebe: **Mike? ...Mike? ...Mike!

**Mike: **Huh? What?

**Phoebe:** Um... why are you sleeping with a tomato...?

**Mike**(_drowsy_): Hmm... he got lonely...

**Phoebe:** What?

(Phoebe grabs Mike's arms and pulls him up. She leads him over to the kitchen. On the way over, Mike stops and looks at the bookshelf with board games)

**Mike:** Hey! How come these aren't alphabetized? Someone should fix this!

(Mike walks over to alphabetize the games when Phoebe walks over to Mike and grabs his shoulders so he faces her. Phoebe smacks Mike)

**Phoebe:** Snap out of it man!

(Phoebe leads Mike back to the kitchen and picks up Mike's pain pills)

**Phoebe:** How many of these have you taken?

**Mike:** The normal amount! Which reminds me... I'm running out, so could you take me to the hospital this weekend to get a refill?

**Phoebe:** No! Mike! These pills are making you loopy! Once you run out, you aren't getting any more.

**Mike:** Come on, Phoebe! It really hurts without it!

**Phoebe: **You'll be fine, Mike. I'll take care of you, OK?

**Mike:** OK... After I run out, I'll stop taking the pills...

**Phoebe:** Good.

(Phoebe sets the pills down on the counter)

**Mike: **Aw, hey! Phoebe! Why did you have to dye your hair? It looked so much better before!

**Phoebe:** Mike, I didn't dye my hair.

**Mike:** So it's always been... blonde?

**Phoebe**(_smiling_): ...Yeah, you aren't getting any more of these...

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's house; Chandler is on the couch, rocking Erica to sleep while Jack is in his bassinet. Monica runs in and runs over to Jack and Erica]

**Monica:** How are my babies? Are they OK?

(Monica leans over the bassinet to check on Jack)

**Chandler: **Hello to you, too, Monica.

**Monica: **Oh, sorry. I just really missed the twins.

(Chandler smiles and Monica sits down next to him and looks at Erica)

**Monica:** Did everything go smoothly while I was gone?

**Chandler: **Yeah, you were only gone for two hours.

**Monica: **Really? It felt like I was gone a lot longer. Well... did the twins miss me?

**Chandler:** They missed you like crazy.

(Monica smiles)

**Chandler:** So, how did the job hunting go?

**Monica: **Pretty good, I guess. A lot of places said they would call me as soon as they had an opening, so I just have to wait...

**Chandler:** So you'll be able to get a job pretty soon, then?

**Monica:** Yeah, but, Chandler, I don't think I want one. I mean, think about it, I was only gone for two hours, and it killed me to be apart from the twins. I can't imagine being away from them for half a day!

**Chandler:** Well, then, you don't have to get a job. Nothing is happening for sure right now.

**Monica:** Yeah, but if I don't have a job, we won't have enough money for both of the twins! ...But I just don't think I could stand to be away from them all day. At least not this soon...

(Monica sighs and so does Chandler)

**Chandler:** Hey come on, don't be sad.

(Chandler puts his arm around Monica and Monica leans in closer to Chandler)

**Chandler:** We'll figure something out.

[Scene: Exterior of the restaurant; Danielle is standing outside the restaurant trying to hold back her tears and Joey walks up behind her]

**Joey:** Hey.

(Danielle turns around)

**Danielle:** Ugh, what do you want?

**Joey:** I wanna talk to you. Why did you run out on me like that?

**Danielle:** Listen, I've obviously been hurt by guys like you before. You know? They say they love you, but really, they don't. I just don't have time for that. I need to know that the next relationship I'm going to be in is going to last.

**Joey:** Well, what makes you think our relationship couldn't last?

**Danielle: **Please! Have you ever been in a committed relationship?

**Joey: **Well... not exactly. But, I really want to be. And I kind of want to be in one... with you.

**Danielle: **Yeah, well. I just don't think I could do that.

**Joey: **OK, well... you don't have to. But, I honestly want to be your friend.

**Danielle: **And you don't want to date me at all...? Ever?

**Joey: **Of course I want to. But I don't have to if you don't want me to.

(Danielle sighs and looks down)

**Danielle**(_quietly_): OK...

**Joey:** What?

**Danielle:** OK. I will be your friend, for now. But I can't promise you I'll ever develop feelings for you.

**Joey:** That is perfectly OK!

(Danielle smiles)

**Danielle:** OK, let's go back inside, then.

(Joey smiles and Danielle grabs Joey by the wrists. They both walk back inside the restaurant)

**END CREDITS**

[Scene: Ross's apartment; Rachel and Ross are on the couch, exasperated with Emma. Emma is still in the highchair, pouting]

**Rachel:** Is this just a phase? I mean, how long does this last?

**Ross:** It doesn't last too long. You know, Ben went through the same thing when he turned two.

**Rachel:** Yeah? So what did you do to get him to stop?

**Ross:** Oh, I didn't do anything. Yeah, no, Carol and Susan were the ones who dealt with that...

**Rachel:** Well, can't we just call Carol and Susan?

**Ross:** No, they're out of town.

**Rachel:** Ugh, so what... are we just gonna have our child not eat anything?

**Ross:** No. Come on, we can get her to eat something. We...we just have to be the authority here. Just be firm and blunt. Don't take no for an answer.

**Rachel**(_sighing_): OK, fine...

(Rachel kneels down so her and Emma are face to face)

**Rachel:** Emma, your daddy and I would really appreciate it if you ate the chicken nuggets...

**Ross**(_whispering_): Don't back down. Don't back down.

(Rachel glares at Ross)

**Rachel:** So, um... it's either this... or – or, or nothing at all. Your choice.

(Rachel bites her lip and her and Ross both stare at Emma to see what she'll do next. Emma stares at the chicken nuggets and takes a bite out of one of them)

**Rachel:** Oh! Yay! Aw, good job, Emma. I am so proud of you!

(Rachel and Ross smile)

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>(AN): Thanks for reading! There will be a new episode up on Thursday, so look out! :D Also, if you have any ideas of what I should do for the season, please give me some and I'll be sure to credit you at the beginning of the story I use in, and on my profile! Thanks!**


	3. The One With The Stuffed Bear

**(A/N) AHH! Here it is! Almost didn't make it! But here you go, enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Friends: <strong>The One With The Stuffed Bear

[Scene: Danielle's apartment building – hallway; Joey and Danielle are coming up from the hallway. Joey walks Danielle to the door of her apartment. He stops and smiles.]

**Danielle:** Joey, you know, you didn't have to walk me up to my apartment. I told you, this isn't a date.

**Joey:** I know, but it's late, and I didn't want you walking all by yourself.

**Danielle**: I've done it before...

**Joey:** Right...

(They both stand their awkwardly. Not sure how to say goodbye)

**Danielle:** Um, thanks for walking me home.

**Joey:** No problem.

(No one says anything)

**Danielle:** So... good night.

**Joey:** Yup. 'Night.

(They are both still standing there. Danielle looks at Joey, trying to prompt him to leave)

**Joey: **Yeah. I don't usually walk a girl home without kissing her. And, you know, me and you are friends... so I know I shouldn't kiss you. And that's why I'm just standing here...

**Danielle:** Oh, OK. Alright then.

**Joey:** ...Mm-hm.

(Joey looks around)

**Danielle: **...Well, good night!

(Danielle opens the door to her apartment and walks in.)

**Joey**_(nervously laughing)_**:** OK, good night.

(She shuts the door)

**Joey: **Good deal.

**OPENING CREDITS**

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's; Chandler is carrying Jack and Erica in their car seats. He is trying to maneuver around the living room to where the babies don't get knocked into anything. He's walking slowly and finally gets to the front door. He looks at both the twins and tries to figure out how to open the door since his hands are full. Chandler is about to put one down when Monica bursts the door open, frightening Chandler.]

**Monica:** Hurry up Chandler!

**Chandler**(sighs): Is this gonna happen _every_ weekend?

**Monica: **Not _every_ weekend. You know I can go without seeing them for more than a week. No hurry up! I haven't seen anyone in days!

(Chandler picks up the car seat and starts to walk out)

**Monica:** Hurry up! We're gonna be late!

(Chandler and Monica walk out)

[Scene: Central Perk; Joey is sitting at the table on the left, with coffee in front of him. Ross and Rachel are on the couch. Rachel is holding Emma and Ross's arm is around Rachel, and they're coffee is front of them on the coffee table.]

**Ross:** Where are they? They said they were gonna be here half an hour ago.

**Joey:** I knew it.

**Ross:** Knew what?

**Joey:** They forgot about us.

**Rachel:** What are you talking about?

**Joey: **Well, they have a great life now in Westchester, without us. With their new house, and their new babies, they forgot about us. And now their life is so much better without us and we're never gonna see them again!

(Chandler and Monica walk in with the twins)

**Chandler:** Sorry we're late everyone!

**Joey:** Oh thank God!

(Joey gets up and runs to hug Chandler)

**Chandler**: Hey, Joey. I missed you, too.

(Everyone else gets up and they all hug each other. They all sit back down where they were. Chandler and Monica sit on the couch next to Ross and Rachel.)

**Monica:** Finally! We're all together again!

(Monica looks around)

**Monica:** Wait, where's Phoebe?

**Rachel:** Oh, well since Mike broke his hands, Phoebe told Mike he couldn't take any more painkillers. So he's in a lot of pain. Phoebe's been doing stuff for him all day.

**Monica:** So, is she gonna be here?

(Phoebe walks in, exhausted. She sits at the chair on the right)

**Monica**(_smiling_): Phoebe!

**Phoebe**(_tired_): Yeah...?

(Phoebe looks over at Monica)

**Phoebe:** Oh, Monica, hi!

(Phoebe gets up to hug Monica and Chandler. She sits back down)

**Phoebe: **Ugh, I'm sorry, it's just. I mean you would think a person would be able to do a lot without their arms. But turns out, they really can't.

**Chandler:** Really?

**Phoebe:** Yeah! I mean how hard _is _it to go to the post office? Or make breakfast? Or go to the bathroom? I mean, sheesh.

(Everyone just exchanges glances.)

**Ross:** OK, um... Oh, hey, Joey, how did your date go last night?

**Monica: **You had a date?

**Chandler: **Aw, our little Joey's growing up.

**Joey: **No, guys. It wasn't a date.

**Rachel: **Wait, I thought you said Danielle agreed to go out with you?

**Joey: **Yeah, as friends. She's not looking for a relationship. And I'm OK with that, for now. But, you know, we still had a good time. I learned a lot about her and we had fun.

**Rachel:** So do you think she likes you?

**Joey:** I'm not sure. She was laughing at everything I said, and she was smiling. And it seemed like she was having a great time. But she kept talking about Hank.

**Chandler:** Who's Hank?

**Joey:** Oh, Hank is her roommate. Yeah, they've known each other for awhile and they work together. But they've never dated, so I don't know. I think she has feelings for him, though.

**Monica**: Is _he_ dating anyone?

**Joey: **Yeah. For a long time. Danielle thinks he might move out soon. So, you know, I still have a chance. But I gotta tell ya, this whole "being friends first" is killing me. Like, last night, I wanted to kiss her so badly. But I couldn't because she doesn't want a relationship. This is gonna be so hard...

(Everyone looks solemn because they feel bad for Joey. Joey looks around)

**Joey: **Oh, sorry. Um... so Monica, Chandler, what's new with you?

**Monica: **Nothing really, it seems like all we've been doing is taking care of the twins. And I've been looking for a job.

**Joey:** Oh, any luck?

**Monica:** No! None! And I doubt I'll even be able to find a job that I actually enjoy while still having time to care of the twins.

(Rachel gasps and everyone looks at her)

**Ross:** Rachel, what is it?

**Rachel:** Um, hey, Ross? Remember how I got fired from Ralph Lauren and then got a job in Paris?

**Ross:** Ha, yeah...?

**Rachel:** And remember how I wouldn't be able to stand not being with you, so instead of going to Paris, I got off the plane to be with you?

**Ross:** Yes, I vaguely recall.

**Rachel:** Thus, that would mean I don't have a job and therefore no income?

**Ross: **...Oh, right...

**Chandler: **Wait, you haven't looked for a job yet?

**Rachel:** Well I forgot!

(Rachel sighs)

**Rachel: **_That's_ why I had so much extra free time...

(Phoebe's phone goes off and she looks at the caller id. She groans)

**Joey: **What is it Pheebs?

**Phoebe:** Ugh, it's Mike. I have to go. I'll talk you all later.

(Phoebe sighs. She grabs her purse and stands up)

**Phoebe:** Bye Monica!

(Phoebe leaves and Chandler looks over at everyone)

**Chandler:** Do you think Phoebe even knows I'm here?

**Rachel**(_ignoring Chandler_): Oh, hey, so Monica, what's the new house like?

(Chandler sighs)

**Monica:** Oh my God, you guys should see it! It is so beautiful! I love it! There's so much room. _And _it's a new house, so it's clean!

**Chandler:** Yeah, you guys should really come over some time to see it.

**Rachel:** I wish we could, and we would definitely come over a lot if it wasn't so far away. I mean, _two hours_. Doesn't that seem like a long time?

**Chandler: **Oh, hey, come on. It might sound like a long time, but it's actually a lot less time than it seems. You know, with Monica constantly critiquing your driving, and the twins crying so loud you need to pull over and spend ten to fifteen minutes to put them back to sleep; the time just flies by.

**Ross**: Oh right. The twins. How are you guys getting any sleep with the twins crying all the time?

**Monica:** Oh, they're actually not that bad. They've been pretty good, we haven't had a problem with it yet –

(Monica is interrupted by Erica, who begins to cry, Jack starts to cry shortly after)

**Monica:** OK, never mind!

**Rachel: **Come on, let's go upstairs and see what's wrong with them!

(Monica grabs Jack and Chandler grabs Erica. Ross gets up and pays for the coffee. They all stand up and start walk out. Joey is walking behind them)

**Joey:** Hey, I'd love to help you guys out, but I have no experience with babies, so you're all on your own, OK? OK! I'm gonna go see Danielle! Bye!

(Joey walks out ahead of everyone else)

[Scene: Phoebe and Mike's apartment; Phoebe walks in and Mike is on the couch staring at the beer in front of him. Mike looks over at Phoebe.]

**Mike:** Oh! Phoebe! You're here! OK, I need your help with something.

**Phoebe:** What?

**Mike:** Can you, uh, open that beer for me?

(Phoebe looks over)

**Phoebe: **Why couldn't you do it?

**Mike:** Well, with the cast it kind of makes it hard to get a good grasp on the bottle opener...

(Phoebe sighs and walks over to open the beer)

**Phoebe:** You do know you called me right when Chandler and Monica came to the coffeehouse?

**Mike:** Oh, I did? Sorry, I thought they weren't coming until later...

**Phoebe**: No, they're all hanging out at the coffeehouse. Without me.

**Mike:** I – I'm sorry...

**Phoebe:** That's the second time this week, Mike!

**Mike**(_reasoning_): Hey, come on, Phoebe. Calm down.

**Phoebe**(_in her stern/angry-Phoebe voice, not sure how to explain it but you know what I'm talking about _:P): Hey, don't you tell me to calm down!

**Mike:** Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know. And I feel really about having to keep tearing you apart from your friends, but I'm your husband and I need you right now. And... you don't have to hang out with them all the time.

(Phoebe looks down, thinking. She hands Mike the beer)

**Phoebe:** Why do you even need a beer right now anyway?

**Mike:** Well..

(Mike grabs the beer)

**Mike:** It numbs the pain...

(Phoebe sighs and Mike takes a sip)

[Scene: Romantic store in the mall, Joey is enters and looks around. He walks over to the lingerie. He takes one off the rack and looks at it.]

**Joey**(_smiling_): Ooh, hey this is nice.

(Joey looks it over and comes to a realization)

**Joey:** Oh right. _Just friends. Just... friends._

(He sighs and walks over to flowers. A clerk comes up to him)

**Clerk:** Hi, can I help you anything?

**Joey:** Uh, yeah actually. Do you have anything here that says: "I think I love you, but I'm not sure you love me back, and since you don't want to be in a relationship right now, let's just be friends for now?"

(The clerk stares at him)

**Clerk**(_smiling_): Yeah, we have something that says exactly that!

[Scene: Danielle's apartment building, hallway; Joey walks to Danielle's door with his hands behind his back. He knocks on the door, and behind his back he is holding a big stuffed teddy bear – about the size of Huggsy, actually – that's holding a heart that says: **You're A Beary Great Friend!** Danielle opens the door. Danielle has a big binder and stacks of paper. She looks flustered.]

**Danielle:** Joey, why are you here?

**Joey:** Oh, well, I kinda wanted to give you something...

**Danielle:** Can you give it to me later? I'm _really_ busy. Hank just called and he said the editor made a mistake. I need to go down there right now.

**Joey:** Oh, maybe I can come with you...

(Danielle grabs a rolling cart full of papers and magazines)

**Danielle:** No, you really don't have to. I have a lot to do in a short time, and you'll just get in the way. I'll go by myself.

**Joey**: You sure?

**Danielle: **Yes, I'll go by myself. It's fine! I just really have to go!

(Danielle walks out into the hallway and Joey moves out of her way. She shuts the door)

**Joey:** Well, can I at least give you your –

(Danielle walks down the hallway and turns the corner)

**Joey:** – present?

(Joey sighs)

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's building, hallway; The twins are still crying. Monica walks up the stairs carrying Jack and walks over to the door to her old apartment. She grabs the doorknob and tries to open it but it's locked. She keeps trying to open it. Chandler walks up behind her. Monica looks at Chandler.]

**Monica:** Chandler, why is our door locked? We never lock it!

**Chandler:** _Really,_ honey? Really?

(Chandler stares at Monica until she gets it)

**Monica:** Oh. Right...

**Chandler:** There you go.

(Monica walks across the hall and opens the door to Rachel and Joey's. Monica and Chandler walk in and Rachel walks in, holding Emma, and Ross walks in behind them and shut the door)

**Rachel:** You can put the twins in my room for now.

(Monica opens up the door to Rachel's room and gasps)

**Monica:** Rachel! You still haven't unpacked?

**Rachel:** Mm-hmm, yeah, because I don't care.

(Monica gives her a disapproving look and she sets Jack down in Rachel's room. Chandler follows her and sets Erica down)

**Monica:** OK, I'll take care of Erica and you take care of Jack.

(They both grab the corresponding babies and start gently rocking them to sleep. Erica stops crying, whilst Jack still is)

**Monica: **I still got it.

(Monica looks over at Jack. She goes to set Erica down and grabs Jack from Chandler to rock him to sleep. He's still crying)

**Monica: **What's wrong? Why is he still crying? This always works!

**Chandler:** Maybe he's hungry? Or... he needs a diaper change. I did it last time! It's your turn! It's your turn!

**Monica**(_groans_): OK, OK. Wait... no it isn't!

**Chandler:** Darn, I thought you'd fall for that. OK, Rachel, where's the changing table?

**Rachel:** My room.

**Chandler: **OK, I shall be back.

(Chandler takes Jack and goes into Rachel's room. Rachel sets Emma on the couch)

**Rachel: **Hey, Ross?

**Ross:** Yeah?

**Rachel:** Can you set up a coloring book and some crayons for Emma?

**Ross: **Yeah, sure.

(Ross goes to grab a coloring book and some crayons and sits down next to Emma. He opens it and scoots in closer so Emma can see)

**Ross: **Alright, now we don't _know_ what color dinosaurs were. And that's the beauty of it. You can color these _any_ color you want!

(Emma grabs a red crayon)

**Ross:** OK, I don't think they would be _that _red...

(Emma keeps drawing. Ross sighs)

**Ross:** But go ahead.

(Ross gets up and walks over to Rachel)

**Rachel: **OK, I need to look in the newspaper for a job...

**Monica: **Oh, me too!

(Monica grabs two different newspapers and hands one to Rachel)

**Monica: **Do you think there will be something in here that's around Westchester that I love to do and still have time to be with the twins...?

**Ross:** Probably not.

**Monica:** Gee, thanks for all your support. Means a lot.

**Ross: **I'm just kidding you'll find something. Hey, wait a second, why don't you try catering again?

**Monica:** Hmm, I never thought about that.

**Ross:** Yeah, yeah. It's perfect. You can make your own schedule, it involves cooking, and you'll love doing it!

**Monica:** Yeah! But... I haven't catered in like... 8 years. And, I also don't have a job and I don't have enough money to buy catering supplies...

(Monica sighs and everyone sort of looks away and pretend to be invested in something else. Monica sighs louder. No one says anything)

**Monica:** Oh, Monica, you know what? Because you're my friend, and I love you, I'll give you the money _I'm_ not using so _I_ can help _you_ be happy.

(No one says anything)

**Monica:** Really guys?

**Rachel: **Well...! I would! But I don't have a job, either. And I have a baby!

(Monica looks at Ross)

**Ross:** And... uh, well. I – I don't want to...

**Monica: **Ross!

**Ross: **Monica!

(Monica stares at him)

**Ross:** Fine, OK, OK. I'll give you some money.

**Monica:** Thank you, Ross! I promise to pay you back!

**Ross: **Yeah... whatever.

(Chandler walks out)

**Chandler: **OK, both babies are fed, changed, and are sleeping. High-five!

(Chandler high-fives himself. Monica walks over to Chandler)

**Monica:** Chandler, guess what?

**Chandler:** What?

**Monica: **I have found a solution to my work situation. I can do it close to home, it's something I love to do, and I'll still have time to be with you and the twins!

**Chandler: **Really? What is it?

**Monica:** I'm gonna be a caterer! Again!

**Chandler:** That's great!

**Monica:** Yeah, Ross said he would buy me all the supplies I needed!

**Chandler: **Thanks Ross!

(Rachel looks at everyone)

**Rachel:** Hello! I still don't have a job yet!

**Monica:** Oh don't worry, you'll find something!

(Rachel has a shocked expression. She sighs and looks at Ross. Ross smiles and looks over at Emma. Emma got down from the couch and started writing on the walls)

**Ross:** Uh, Rach...

**Rachel**(_exasperated_): Yes?

**Ross: **Emma's writing on the wall!

**Rachel:** What?

**Ross:** The wall! She's writing on the wall!

(Rachel gets up and runs over to Emma. She takes the crayon away from her and picks her up)

**Rachel:** No! Emma! We don't do that!

**Monica:** Oh my God, it's all over! Rachel, where are the emergency cleaning kits I gave everyone before they left?

**Rachel:** Under the sink!

(Monica nods and goes to get it so she can clean the crayon off the wall)

**Rachel:** Ross, why does Emma keep doing stuff like this?

**Ross:** What do you mean?

**Rachel: **Well, she kept refusing whatever we gave her to eat. She's coloring on the walls...

**Ross:** Oh, come on Rach. It's no big deal. They do that all the time when they're this age.

**Rachel:** Really?

(Ross nods)

**Rachel:** Oh, thank God. I thought we'd have to take her to obedience school!

(Ross just stares at her when Phoebe walks in)

**Phoebe:** Hey guys!

(Phoebe looks over at Monica, who's frantically cleaning off the crayon)

**Chandler: **Don't mind her. Just normal Monica stuff.

(Phoebe smiles and sits down)

**Ross:** What's up, Pheebs?

**Phoebe:** Well, I just came back from my place. And Mike and I got into a _huge_ argument!

**Ross: **What, really?

**Phoebe:** No, it was sort of a heated debate. Minus the debate...

**Rachel: **Well, wait, what happened?

**Phoebe:** Nothing really. It's just that Mike has been bothering me all day, asking me to help him with stuff and it's exhausting. And, it's not like I mad at him for that. But I haven't seen Monica or Chandler for, what seems like, a long time.

(Everyone nods)

**Phoebe:** And it's not that I don't want to be with him, but he always needs something.

(Everyone nods)

**Phoebe:** But, you know, I have to do it, because I feel guilty. You know? I'm partly responsible for him breaking his arms, so I do owe it him.

(Everyone nods. Phoebe looks at everyone)

**Phoebe**: I'm done...

(Monica finishes cleaning the wall and sits down)

**Monica**(_sighing_): I'm sorry, Rach, but that's as good as it's gonna get.

(Everyone looks at the wall. It's perfectly white)

**Rachel:** Monica, the wall is spotless.

**Monica:** I know!

(Joey opens the door and walks in. He's whistling and sets the bear on the counter. He walks into his room without acknowledging everyone else. He shuts the door. Everyone else exchanges glances. Joey opens the door)

**Joey:** Um, why are you all here?

**Rachel:** Monica moved out, so this is the new hangout spot I guess.

**Ross: **Hey, why can't the new hangout spot be my place?

**Rachel:** Shh, so, Joey? Um... what's with the bear?

**Joey:** Oh, I was actually gonna give it to Danielle.

**Everyone:** Awww.

**Joey:** Yeah. But she was apparently really busy, so I wasn't able to give it to her.

**Chandler: **Where is she?

**Joey: **Oh, she's at work.

**Ross: **Well why don't you go down there and give it to her?

**Joey:** Ssss, ooh, I'd rather not.

**Ross:** How come?

**Joey: **Well, last time one of us went to someone's work to give them something, they ended up breaking up shortly after.

(Ross and Rachel look at each other)

**Ross:** In my defense, it was a picnic, OK?

**Rachel:** Yeah, and we ended up getting together 7 years later, so everything turned out all right.

(Joey looks at them)

**Rachel:** I'm sure it'll be fine. She'll love it!

**Joey:** I dunno, she seemed really busy when I went to give it to her. She seemed kind of angry, too. I want to get her to like me, not, you know, _NOT_ like me...

**Rachel:** Yeah, I know.

**Phoebe: **Just be really quick. Don't waste her time or anything. Just give it to her and apologize for wasting her time.

**Joey:** OK! OK, alright. I'll go.

(Joey goes to grab the stuffed bear and everyone wishes him luck)

**Everyone:** Bye! Bye, Joey!

[Scene: Danielle's office (it's sort of a combined office like Rachel's at Bloomingdale's, but with three desks); Joey walks in. Two of the desks are empty. Joey walks up to the girl who's sitting at the third desk]

**Joey:** Um, where's Danielle Pearce?

**Woman:** Why? What do you need?

**Joey:** Oh, I'm her friend. I was just gonna give her this.

(Joey shows the woman the teddy bear)

**Woman:** Oh, why did you get her that?

**Joey:** I dunno, just 'cause I guess...

(The woman smiles. She extends her hand out)

**Woman: **Oh, sorry. I'm Audrey. And you are?

(Joey shakes her hand)

**Joey:** I'm Joey.

**Audrey: **Oh, yeah. Danielle's talked about you.

**Joey:** She has? Good stuff?

**Audrey**(_smiling_): Yeah...

**Joey:** So, uh... where is she?

**Audrey:** Oh, she left a little while ago. Her and Hank went out for a late dinner. Do you know Hank?

(Joey frowns)

**Joey: **Yeah, mm-hmm, I know Hank.

(Audrey frowns)

**Joey: **You know what, why don't you just, uh. Can you give this to her? Tell her it's from Joey Tribianni?

**Audrey:** OK. Sure.

(Joey hands her the bear)

**Joey:** See you later, I guess...

**Audrey**(_frowning_): Bye.

(Joey waves and puts his hands in his pockets. He sighs and leaves)

**END CREDITS**

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment; everyone is still there doing what they were doing earlier. Phoebe's phone beeps. She sighs]

**Phoebe:** Ugh, how much you wanna bet that's Mike?

**Chandler:** 10,000 dollars!

(Everyone stares at Chandler)

**Chandler:** What? Too much?

(Chandler looks around)

**Chandler:** OK, fine... 35 cents...

(Phoebe rolls her eyes and looks at her phone)

**Phoebe:** It's Mike.

**Chandler: **Yes!

(Phoebe opens the message and reads it)

**Phoebe:** Oh... oh no.

**Monica:** What?

**Phoebe: **It says, "Sorry for bothering you Phoebe, I'm gonna stay at my parents until my arms heal. Have fun with your friends."

(Phoebe sighs)

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>(AN): Thanks for reading! And I know this chapter is a little scattered and not as long as the other two, but I wrote this in two days. My marking period ends next Thursday so I've been scrambling to get my grades up and I've been really busy. But don't worry! I got it to you! :D Also, don't forget to review. The story can't get better unless you give it the medicine only you have: Constructive Critisiscm. It's very rare, and only you have it. So please, spare some. This fic thrives on it and it's not feeling well right now. Ha, anyway, please review! Thanks! :D**


	4. The One Where Everyone Moves

**(A/N) Hi guys! Sorry about the mini hiatus, but I had a lot of tests to study for and make up and I was just so busy. But I'm gonna try to best to fit writing for this story into my schedule so I can post them on time. So anyway, please enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Friends: <strong>The One Where Everyone Moves

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment; Rachel is on the floor sitting criss cross across from Emma. In front of Emma is a preschool toy where they have the cutout of shapes and then you put the block into the correct cutout]

**Rachel:** OK, Emma, where does this go?

(Rachel hands Emma the red circle block and Emma puts it in the corresponding cutout. Rachel claps)

**Rachel:** Yay! Emma! You got it!

(Rachel is about to hand Emma another block when Joey walks and sit down in the recliner. He sighs)

**Rachel:** What's wrong, Joey? Did you give her the bear?

**Joey: **No, she wasn't there. I tried to go down and there and give it to her, but her friend told me she went out to dinner with Hank...

**Rachel:** Oh, I'm so sorry.

**Joey:** Yeah, her friend told me she'd give it to her, but I don't know. I'll probably end up looking stupid. I honestly don't think she likes me that way. She obviously likes Hank. I should just stop trying...

**Rachel: **Oh, don't say that. I think Hank is just a friend. He has a girlfriend, right?

(Joey nods)

**Rachel:** And you said that they were serious, didn't you.

**Joey: **Well, Danielle said they'd been going out for awhile...

**Rachel:** OK, so you have nothing to worry about. Nothing is going to happen between them. Not now anyways, don't give up. Your so close!

**Joey**(_laughs_): Thanks, OK, I'll call her later.

(Rachel smiles and goes back to Emma. Joey looks around and realizes everyone left)

**Joey:** Hey, where is everyone?

**Rachel: **Oh, well Ross went to the store to pick up diapers. Phoebe went to Mike's parents to go talk to Mike. And Chandler and Monica left because the twins were getting a little antsy.

**Joey:** Oh.

(Rachel turns back to Emma. She picks up a blue triangle block and hands it to Emma. Joey kneels down next to Rachel)

**Joey:** Can I play?

**Rachel:** ...Um, it's kind of just a two person game. Sorry Joey. Why don't you go play with Chick Jr. and Duck. Jr? They've missed you.

(Joey stares at Rachel and stands up)

**Joey:** Fine...

(Joey walks towards his room)

**Joey**(_muttering_): I didn't want to play anyways...

**OPENING CREDITS**

[Scene: Mike's parents place; Mike is on the couch watching a basketball game when Phoebe walks in]

**Phoebe**: Mike!

(Mike looks over at Phoebe and back at the TV)

**Mike:** Hey Phoebe. Oh, uh, did Monica and Chandler leave, yet?

**Phoebe: **Mike, what are you doing?

**Mike:** Watching basketball.

**Phoebe:** I mean...

(Phoebe walks over to the coach and sits next to Mike)

**Phoebe:** ...why are you here?

**Mike: **Well, you need time to hang out with your friends. And, I can't be taking all of your time just so you can help me out with stuff.

**Phoebe:** But-

**Mike**: Really, Phoebe it's OK. Once I get these casts off, I can move back in and everything will be back to normal, OK?

**Phoebe:** But Mike, you hate your parents.

**Mike: **Oh, come on Phoebe, I don't hate my parents...

(Mike's mom, Bitsy, walks in)

**Bitsy: **Michael, I made you some soup. Do you want me to-

(Bitsy sees Phoebe)

**Bitsy:** Oh, hello.

**Phoebe**(_reluctant_): Hi.

(Bitsy leans over and whispers at Mike)

**Bitsy**(_whispering_): What is the pauper doing here?

(Phoebe looks over at Mike)

**Phoebe**(_whispering_): Was that an insult? Should I be offended?

(Mike sighs and Bitsy stands up at looks at Phoebe)

**Bitsy:** Alright, well here is your soup Michael. Do you need want some Phoebe? I imagine it's been awhile since you've eaten a high class meal like this.

(Mike exhales and Phoebe just looks at Bitsy, and then at Mike)

**Bitsy**: No? OK...

(Bitsy looks over at Mike)

**Bitsy**: I'll be back to check on you later.

(Bitsy leaves and Mike and Phoebe stare at each other)

**Mike**: Yeah... I kinda hate my parents...

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's; Chandler comes out of the bedroom. He yawns and rubs his eyes on his way to the kitchen. He's standing across from the island when Monica pops up at the the other side]

**Monica:** Chandler!

(Chandler lets out a yelp as he jumps back in surprise, a little over dramatically)

**Monica:** Oop- sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

**Chandler: **Oh no, it's fine. I'm sure my heart rate will be back to normal any minute now.

(Monica laughs)

**Monica:** No, but seriously, guess what?

**Chandler:** I have to be _serious_? Me?

**Monica:** Yes. And you have no choice.

**Chandler**(_sighing_): Fine, what?

**Monica: **I got a catering job!

**Chandler**: Really? This soon?

**Monica**: Yeah! I was at the store buying all of this cookware and there was a woman there buying baby clothes because she was expecting. I started talking to her and she wants me to cater for her wedding!

**Chandler:** Ahh. Well, unwanted pregnancies have fared well for _us_, huh?

**Monica**(_smiling_): Yeah...

(Monica and Chandler look at the twins and smile and Monica turns back to Chandler)

**Monica**: Anyway, her wedding is in two weeks and I haven't catered since 1998. So, do I want me to make you anything? I need to start practicing.

**Chandler:** A pot of coffee would be nice...

**Monica**(_scoffs_): Chandler!

**Chandler:** I'm sorry, it's just- the twins have been keeping me up. I mean, how are you not tired?

**Monica: **I've been running off of nothing but adrenaline!

(Chandler stares at her)

**Monica: **And Red Bull...

**Chandler: **There ya are.

[Scene: Joey's apartment; Rachel is sitting in the recliner reading a fashion magazine when Ross walks in with Emma. Ross shuts the door and Rachel gets up to take Emma from Ross]

**Ross:** Alright, she has been fed and changed. All you need to do is put her down for her nap.

(Ross hands Emma to Rachel)

**Ross:** OK, so you will take her for two hours while I teach my 12 o'clock class, and then after that I will come back and watch her for...?

**Rachel:** Three hours.

**Ross**: Three hours. Got it. Then I bring her back here, go back to my place, and get ready for dinner?

(Rachel nods and Ross exhales)

**Ross**: I gotta tell ya, this going back and forth all the time is pretty hectic.

**Rachel**: Yeah, yeah it is.

**Ross**: OK, well I better go. I gotta head over to the university. They can't start without me.

(Rachel smiles)

**Rachel**: OK, bye.

(Ross leaves and Rachel walks over to Emma's playpen and sets her down. Rachel puts Huggsy in the playpen when Ross walks back in)

**Rachel**: What are you doing? You're gonna be late!

**Ross**: Nah, I'll be fine, but I just wanted to ask you something...

**Rachel**: Oh, OK... what is it?

**Ross**: Well, I was just thinking, since you and I _are_ together now. And we have a child together...

(Ross clears his throat)

**Ross:** And I mean, you're already packed...

(Rachel raises and eyebrow and Ross clears his throat)

**Ross:** So... why don't, uh, why don't we move in together?

**Rachel**: Oh.

(Rachel thinks)

**Rachel**: OK...

**Ross**: OK?

**Rachel**(_enthusiastically_): OK! Yes! Let's move in!

**Ross:** Really?

(Rachel nods and they go up to each other to hug. Rachel kisses Ross but then pulls back)

**Rachel**: Wait, wait. What about Joey?

**Ross:** Well, I was kinda hoping it would just be you and Emma, I mean it's only a two bedroom apartment...

**Rachel:** No, I mean... I can't just leave him here all by himself.

**Ross:** Why not? He's lived by himself before.

**Rachel: **Yeah, but that was before. But since Monica and Chandler moved away, and Phoebe got married, he's just been really sensitive. I don't think he'd be able to take it if I moved out. I think we should wait awhile.

**Ross:** How long is "awhile"?

**Rachel:** Not long, just a couple weeks.

**Ross:** A couple weeks? Come on Rach, I'm sure he'll be fine.

**Rachel:** Oh come on Ross, will you just do this for me? Please?

**Ross:** But I really want to live with you...

**Rachel:** So do I... Alright, tell you what, how about I'll ask Joey if he would mind me moving out, and if he says he doesn't, then we can move in!

**Ross:** Yeah, but he's _Joey_. He's not gonna tell you he's not OK with you moving out. Remember when he suggested that we live together the first time? That obviously wasn't what he wanted.

**Rachel**: You're right. Ugh, whatever, I'll figure something out. Now, go to work, you're gonna be late.

**Ross: **Well, wait, I can't go to work now-

(Rachel grabs Ross's tie and pulls him in for a kiss that lasts awhile. She stops and Ross steps back and is a little lightheaded)

**Ross**(_faint_): Ha ha... oh-okay...

(Rachel smiles)

**Rachel:** OK, you go to work, and I'll go downstairs to talk to Joey.

(Ross leaves and Rachel sighs)

[Scene: Central Perk; Joey walks to the counter and asks Gunther for a coffee and sits down at he table nearest to the counter. He gets out his phone and dials Danielle's phone number. It starts to ring and he sighs nervously. Danielle picks up the phone]

**Joey:** Danielle?

**Danielle**(_sighing_): Hi Joey. Did you need something?

**Joey: **Oh uh, no. I just wanted to ask you-

(Danielle sighs again)

**Joey:** Is this a bad time? Should I call back later?

**Danielle: **No, no. Go ahead, what were you going to ask me?

**Joey:** Um, have you seen... Audrey, since last night?

**Danielle:** No.

**Joey: **Oh, alright. Um, that's all I wanted to ask. Uh... bye...

**Danielle:** Joey, wait.

**Joey**: Yeah?

**Danielle**(_sighs_): I'm sorry about yesterday. I was planning on calling you after I got off work but Hank took me to dinner to tell me that uh...

(Danielle clears her throat)

**Danielle: **Hank's girlfriend is moving in, and... I have to move out.

**Joey**: Oh...

**Danielle:** So, um, for the time-being, I have nowhere to live!

(Danielle sighs and so does Joey)

**Joey:** Uh... well, you can live with me.

**Danielle:** What?

**Joey:** Yeah, I mean if you want...

**Danielle:** Don't you have a roommate? Rachel?

**Joey:** What? Nope. No, no, no, no, no. It's uh, it's just me.

**Danielle:** Really?

**Joey:** Mm-hmm.

**Danielle:** So... I can move in with you?

**Joey:** Yeah...

**Danielle**(_laughs_): OK then, um, when can I move in?

**Joey**(_fake laughs_): Whenever you're ready!

**Danielle:** Oh, Joey! That's great! Thank you so much! You don't know how much this means to me! I'm gonna start packing right now!

**Joey: **Heh heh, OK. You do that.

**Danielle:** I'll call you later, Joey! Thanks again! Bye!

**Joey: **OK, buh-bye!

(Danielle hangs up and so does Joey)

**Joey**(_nervous fake laughter_)**:** Ha ha, yeah... I'm screwed.

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

[Scene: Central Perk; Joey just got off the phone and Rachel walks in with Emma. Rachel sits next to Joey and Joey sits back and sighs]

**Joey:** Hi Rach. Hi Emma.

**Rachel:** Hey Joey, can I ask you something?

**Joey:** Uh, sure, go ahead.

**Rachel:** Do you think I'm a good roommate?

**Joey: **Yeah, I guess.

**Rachel:** What do you mean you "guess"?

(Rachel gasps and pretends to act devastated)

**Rachel**: Are you saying you want me to move out?

**Joey:** What? No!

Rachel: Oh... so you don't want me to move out?

**Joey:** No.

**Rachel**(_under her breath_): Damn.

**Joey: **What?

**Rachel:** Uh... I said "Man! That makes me so happy!"

**Joey:** O...K...?

**Rachel:** So you definitely don't want me moving out, huh?

(Rachel sinks in her chair)

**Rachel:** Huh, OK then...

(Joey gives her a weird look and resumes drinking his coffee, he immediately stops when something hits them)

**Joey:** Wait... _are_ you moving out?

**Rachel**(_sighing_): I guess not.

**Joey:** Are-are you sure?

**Rachel:** Oh, Joey. Of course I'm sure. I would never leave you by yourself.

(Joey sighs)

**Joey:** Right, of course not...

(Joey and Rachel sigh)

[Scene: Mike's parent's place; Mike is on the couch again, this time reading a magazine when Phoebe walks in. She sits next to Mike]

**Phoebe**(_whispering_): Psst, Mike.

(Phoebe scoots in closer)

**Mike**(_smiling_): Yes, Phoebe?

**Phoebe**: I found a way to bust you out of here.

**Mike:** What are you talking about?

**Phoebe:** Don't ask questions, just listen: I'm going to go into the kitchen and create a distraction. That is when you knock over one of these vases and run as fast as you can-

**Mike**: Uh, Phoebe?

**Phoebe:** OK, what did I just say about the questions?

(Mike laughs)

**Mike:** Phoebe, you don't need to "bust me out of here". I chose to be here.

**Phoebe:** But you don't like living here.

**Mike: **Well, it's definitely not as great as living with you, but I think I should stay here until my arms heal. I don't want you having to go back and forth between being with your friends and having to take care of me.

**Phoebe**: But, Mike, it was_ my_ fault that you broke your arms.

**Mike: **I know, but, be honest, do you really like having me complain all the time and constantly ask you for stuff?

**Phoebe:** Well, I could do without the complaining...

**Mike:** Then there you go...

**Phoebe: **Mike, come on, do you seriously want to spend the next couple weeks... _here_?

**Mike:** No.

**Phoebe: **So then let's go.

**Mike: **Phoebe, you're right. I don't want to be here, but I have to be here, OK? I just want you to be happy and be able to spend time with your friends.

(Phoebe frowns)

**Mike:** And you are blowing this way out of proportion. My parents really aren't that bad. They're just... _different_ from you.

**Phoebe:** What are you talking about?

**Mike: **They weren't raised the way you were, Phoebe. They just don't understand why you are the way you are like I do.

**Phoebe:** Maybe...

(Mike's mom walks in with a pillow and sees Phoebe)

**Bitsy:** Oh, you're here again...

**Phoebe:** Yup.

(Bitsy sighs and sits next to Mike. Mike leans back so that Phoebe and Bitsy can see each other)

**Bitsy:** Phoebe, I need to tell you something.

(Phoebe crosses her arms)

**Phoebe:** Go ahead.

**Bitsy**(_sighing_): OK, I know that we... got off on the wrong foot and everything. Because my husband and I didn't exactly approve of you and your... ways. And we didn't like you. And I know that you don't like me. But, I do know that Mike loves you. And you love him. And that's why I want to try my best to... accept you. And so I'm trying to help you in any way I can. And, if you ever need anything, I'll help you because I'm your mother-in-law. And I hope you get that...

(Phoebe stares at her with a blank face and Mike smiles thinking she's finally gotten through to Phoebe)

**Phoebe**(_impatient_): Are you done?

(Bitsy looks over at Mike and back at Phoebe)

**Bitsy:** Y-yes.

**Phoebe:** OK, well... bye.

(Bitsy nods and walks back into the kitchen and Phoebe turns to Mike)

**Phoebe: **What a bitch.

(Mike groans and lets his head fall on the back of the couch, exasperated)

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment; Joey is sitting in the recliner and Rachel opens the door and sees that there is trash all over the floor. Rachel stares at it for a second and then just steps over it]

**Rachel: **Um, Joey? What is this?

(Rachel gestures to all of the trash)

**Joey: **Oh, y'see, we ran out of trash bags.

**Rachel: **What are you talking about? I bought trash bags just the other day.

**Joey:** OK, OK, I went to take it to the garbage chute but the broke and all the trash fell on the floor.

**Rachel:** Well, why didn't you clean it?

**Joey:** I didn't feel like it.

**Rachel:** O...K... alright then. I'll clean it up later. I just need something to eat.

(Rachel opens up the fridge door and looks around)

**Rachel: **Hey Joey, where is the last of the lasagna?

**Joey:** Oh, I ate it.

**Rachel:** What? I told you to save me the last piece!

**Joey:** Yeah, but I was hungry...

(Rachel sighs and closes the fridge. She walks over to Joey)

**Rachel:** Joey, what is all this?

**Joey:** What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything. Oh, hey, I wanna ask you something. I one of my costars on Days let me borrow his violin and I'm thinking about teaching myself how to play it. Tell me what you think of this.

(Joey picks up a violin and a bow and begins to play it quite poorly. Rachel can't take it)

**Rachel:** OK! OK! OK! That's enough!

(Rachel grabs the violin)

**Rachel**: Joey, what is _up_ with you?

(Joey sighs)

**Joey**: Ugh, I can't do this. I need to tell you something.

**Rachel**(_concerned_): OK, tell me.

**Joey**(_sighs_): Well, when I talked to Danielle, she told me that Hank took her to dinner because he had to tell her that his girlfriend was going to be moving out. And Danielle told me she didn't have any place to live. And without even thinking, I told her she could live _here_. And I was gonna ask you if you minded moving out but you seemed so happy living here I just couldn't ask you to do that. So, I was trying to act like a bad roommate so that you would move out on your own.

**Rachel:** Oh, Joey... I was actually gonna ask _you _would mind if I moved out, because... Ross and I are going to live together again!

**Joey**(_smiling_): That's great! But did you hear what _I_ said?

(Rachel stares at him, puzzled)

**Joey: **Danielle is going to live with _me_!

(Rachel smiles)

[Scene: Ross's apartment; Rachel's boxes are everywhere and so is all of Emma's baby stuff. Rachel walks in carrying a big box and struggling a little]

**Rachel**: OK, Ross. This is the last box.

(Ross walks over to her)

**Ross:** Oh, do you need any help?

**Rachel:** Oh, that'd be great, thanks.

(Rachel hands the box over to Ross and he almost collapses cause the box is so heavy)

**Ross:** What is in here?

(Rachel looks over at Ross)

**Rachel**: Magazines...

(Ross rolls his eyes and drops the box. Rachel walks over to Ross and rests her elbow on his shoulder. They look around at all the boxes)

**Ross:** Man, I wish Monica was here.

**Rachel:** Yeah me too, let's wait for her to come back before we unpack all this.

**Ross: **Fine by me!

(Ross and Rachel smile and sigh happily. Rachel looks at Ross)

**Rachel:** So... we're living together now.

**Ross:** Yeah, ha, we are.

**Rachel:** I love you, Ross.

(Ross looks at Rachel)

**Ross**: I love you, too.

(They both smile and share a short kiss and Rachel looks out the window and sees Joey over in his apartment)

**Rachel:** Hey, Joey's drapes are open.

(Rachel walks up to the window and Ross follows her. Rachel points at Danielle)

**Rachel: **Oh, look, look! That's Danielle! Aw, don't they just look so cute together? Not cuter than us-

**Ross:** Oh. of course not.

(Rachel smiles and rests her head on Ross's arm as they look through the window)

[Scene: Joey's apartment; Joey and Danielle are carrying a bed frame into the apartment. Joey is walking backwards and the finally reach the bedroom]

**Joey:** OK, stop, stop. Put it down.

(Danielle slowly lets go of the bed frame and Joey gently lowers the other end to the floor. Joey rubs his hands together and looks at Danielle)

**Joey**: OK, what's next?

(Danielle smiles)

**Joey:** What?

**Danielle**(_smiling_): Thank you?

**Joey:** Oh come on, don't worry about it. It's my pleasure.

**Danielle:** No seriously, thank you so much.

(Joey smiles)

**Danielle:** I mean you've already done so much for me and I feel like I haven't been that great of a friend back. I mean, I've yelled at you, I've ditched you, I made you upset. And I'm so sorry.

**Joey:** Apology accepted.

**Danielle:** I honestly don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you.

(Danielle smiles)

**Danielle:** You're a beary great friend, too.

**Joey**(_smiling_): So Audrey gave you the bear?

**Danielle:** Yeah. Thank you.

**Joey: **It's no problem, really.

(Danielle smiles)

**Danielle:** OK, time to bring in the mattress!

(Danielle turns around and walks toward the hallway and Joey follows her and can't keep himself from smiling)

**END CREDITS**

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment; Chandler walks into the kitchen only to find dozens of various meals strewn about the kitchen and dining area. Chandler looks around]

**Chandler:** Uh, Monica what is all this?

**Monica**(_jittery_): What are you talking about?

**Chandler:** What is all this?

**Monica:** All this food? I'm practicing my catering skills!

**Chandler:** Yeah, well what are we going to do with it?

**Monica:** AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE? I HAVE TO PRACTICE MY CATERING SKILLS! GOD CHANDLER DON'T YOU LISTEN?

(Chandler is taken aback)

**Chandler**(_calmly_): OK, Monica, I think it's time you put down the Red Bull and get some rest.

(Chandler walks over to Monica and puts his hands on Monica's shoulders. She twitches and Chandler jerks his hands back. He slowly sets his hands back on her shoulders and leads her into the bedroom)

**Chandler:** OK, that's it. Just go to bed. Alright. OK. Good.

(Monica is in the bedroom and shuts the door. Chandler walks over to the twins and mouths, "Wow!")

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>(AN): Thanks again for reading! And I know there might be some mistakes in here, but I didn't have time to revise it. :P Anyway please review and give me constructive critisism because the more you give me, the better the story gets! Thanks again! See you all next Thursday! :]**


	5. The One Where Erica Is Sick

**(A/N) YAY NEW EPISODE :P Please enjoy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Friends: <strong>The One Where Erica Is Sick

[Scene: Joey's bedroom; it is dark and very early in the morning. A very loud alarm clock is going off in the next room and Joey is lying in bed, agitated, trying to ignore it. He tries turning over and pulling the pillow over his ears, but the alarm gets louder. He grabs a book from his end table and throws it at the wall and it makes a loud thud. After a couple seconds, the alarms stops. He snuggles back into bed. -10 minute time lapse- Danielle's alarm is going off again and Joey's on his side and his eyes are wide open. He seems very annoyed. He flips back on his back and exhales loudly. Fed up, he jumps out of bed and storms into Danielle's room. He sees she is still sleeping and the alarm gets louder still. He walks into her room slowly and slams the door behind him, waking her up]

**Joey**(_whispering_): Oh, hey Danielle, you're awake. I was just gonna turn off the alarm.

(Danielle sits up and rubs her eyes)

**Danielle:** Hmmm... oh, no that's fine.

(Danielle hits the snooze button and smiles)

**Danielle:** It'll wake me up in 10 minutes. Thanks anyway, Joey.

(Joey sighs)

**Joey**(_smiling_): Ha, right. OK, you're welcome.

(Joey walks out and shuts the door quietly and frowns)

**Joey**(_whining_): Oh man.

**OPENING CREDITS**

[Scene: Chandler and Monica's; Chandler is in the living room rocking Jack when the doorbell rings. Chandler bounces Jack and supports him over his shoulder as he walks to the door]

**Chandler:** Let's see who's at the door, Jack.

(Chandler stops)

**Chandler:** You don't even know what I'm saying, do you?

(Chandler pauses, as if waiting for a reply)

**Chandler:** Of course not.

(Chandler continues walking and walks up to the door and looks through the peephole)

**Chandler:** Oh hey, look Jack it's Ross and Rachel!

(Chandler pauses again)

**Chandler:** Why do I keep doing this?

(Chandler sighs and opens the door. Ross and Rachel are standing there, smiling)

**Ross**: Hey Chandler!

**Rachel:** Hi Chandler! It's so great to see you!

(Chandler steps out of the way to let Ross and Rachel come in. They come in and Chandler closes the door behind them)

**Chandler**(_smiling_): So why did you guys come over?

**Rachel:** Oh, it's just been so long since we've seen you! You know, it's really not the same talking over the phone, and you know, we want to see the twins, too. Just see how they are doing-

**Ross: **Also, it's been two weeks since Rachel's moved in and we were wondering when Monica can come over to unpack for us.

(Rachel nods)

**Chandler: **Oh, sorry to burst you're bubble, but Monica isn't here.

**Rachel**: What?

**Chandler:** Yeah, she's at a catering job.

**Rachel:** Damn it. So you're telling me I drove here, for two hours, with _Ross_, for nothing?

(Ross stares at her)

**Ross:** If the speed limit is 15 miles per hours, you _go_ 15 miles per hour!

**Rachel:** Yeah, when it's a _school day_!

**Ross: **Pfft, whatever!

**Chandler:** Um... well anyway, Monica should be back in a few hours, so if you guys want to stay here until she gets back-

(Rachel walks past Chandler and sits on the couch)

**Rachel:** Ugh, if we have to.

**Chandler:** OK, well if you guys need something to eat, Monica made some-

(Chandler hears Erica cough)

**Chandler: **What was that?

**Ross**: Sounded like Erica.

**Chandler:** Wh- is she OK?

(Chandler walks over to the bassinets and sets Jack down. He goes to pick up Erica and she coughs again. Chandler steps back)

**Chandler:** Do you guys think she's sick?

(Ross stands up and walks over to Erica. He puts his hand against her forehead)

**Ross: **She's a little warm, but it's not really a fever...

**Chandler:** She's sick?

**Ross: **Yeah, I think so...

(Chandler sighs and Rachel scoffs)

**Rachel:** _I_ would never let _Emma_ get sick.

(Ross clears his throat)

**Ross:** Yeah, Rachel, speaking of Emma... where is she?

(Rachel thinks for a second and gasps)

**Rachel:** Oh my god. I'm an irresponsible mother! I left her all by herself in the apartment!

(Ross rolls his eyes)

**Ross**: Don't you remember? We left her with Joey.

(Rachel gasps again)

**Rachel:** I'm an irresponsible mother, I left her with _Joey_!

[Scene: Central Perk; Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, drinking coffee]

**Mike:** Please, Phoebe? Just one night! That's all I'm asking!

(Phoebe doesn't say anything and Mike sighs)

**Mike:** Alright, look. My mom told you that she is willing to make and effort, why can't you do the same?

**Phoebe:** Come on Mike, do you _really_ think you're parents are actually going to like me? They were raised to just not like people like me.

**Mike:** So was I, but _I_ love you.

(Phoebe looks down and Mike grabs her hand)

**Mike:** Let's just all go to dinner, and if after tonight, you still don't like my parents, then we can just drop it. Alright?

**Phoebe**(_mumbling_): Alright.

(Mike smiles and kisses her on the cheek when Joey walks in, exhausted. He sits down next to Phoebe)

**Joey:** Hey guys...

**Mike: **What's up Joey?

**Phoebe: **Yeah, why do you look so tired? Is Danielle still keeping you up?

**Joey:** Yes! It's like this every morning! Her alarm goes off at 5:00 am, and it doesn't stop. It just keeps going, and she sleeps right through it!

(Phoebe and Mike frown and Joey sighs)

**Joey: **I've been so tired all week! I mean, I need my beauty sleep! This doesn't just _happen_!

**Phoebe:** Aww, I'm sorry.

**Mike:** ...Hey, have you tried earplugs?

**Joey:** No.

**Mike:** Yeah, if Danielle's alarm clock gets to loud, you can just put in the earplugs and go back to sleep!

**Joey:** Hey, that's a great idea! I gotta get some earplugs!

(Phoebe and Mike smile and Joey looks at his watch)

**Joey:** Aw man, I need to be over at the set in an hour...

(Joey sighs)

**Joey:** You know what would be cool? If they had some sort of pill or drink you could take that could wake you up! I could really use one of those right now...

(Phoebe and Mike exchange glances)

**Mike: **Joey? Do you want my coffee?

**Joey:** I'll have some, but how is that supposed to keep me from being tired?

[Scene: A house in Westchester; Monica is at the front door with her catering station behind her. She rings the doorbell and a woman answers the door. Inside the house are a quite a few children (ages 4-7) running around the house making a lot of noise]

**Woman:** Hi, you must be the caterer.

(Monica looks past the woman and into the house, cringing when she hears a vase break)

**Monica:** Um, hi.

(Monica looks back at the woman)

**Monica:** Sorry I'm late, but I'm new to this neighborhood.

**Woman:** Oh that's fine. Everyone just got here, and we won't be eating until later.

(The woman gives a reassuring smile and Monica smiles back and then they shake hands)

**Monica:** I'm Monica, where should I set up?

(The woman gestures for Monica to come in)

**Woman**: Right in here.

(Monica forces a smile and lifts her catering station up the steps and walks inside. The woman closes the door behind her and leads Monica into the dining room)

**Woman**: Sorry about the mess, but you know how kids are. Hope you don't mind.

**Monica: **Oh, uh, no. Not at all.

(The woman smiles at Monica and walks in front of her to lead her into the dining room. Monica sighs)

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's; Chandler is pacing the living room and Rachel and Ross are on the couch. Ross is on the phone]

**Ross: **Oh, yes hello. Dr. Stanton? Yes, this is Ross Geller, I'm calling on behalf of Chandler Bing. We think that his daughter, Erica, might be sick. OK, hold on one second...

(Ross moves the phone from his ear and puts his hand over the speaker)

**Ross:** What are the symptoms?

**Chandler:** Um, coughing and sneezing.

(Ross nods and puts his ear back to the speaker)

**Ross:** She has a cough, and she's sneezing.

(Chandler stops pacing and looks at Ross)

**Chandler:** I know, I just said that.

(Ross looks at Chandler and Chandler sees that the speaker is on Ross's ear)

**Chandler:** Oh...

(Chandler keeps pacing)

**Ross: **Mhmm, OK. Alright, we'll be right there.

(Ross hangs up the phone and stands up)

**Ross:** Come on Rach, we gotta go to the hospital to pick up the medicine.

(Rachel groans)

**Rachel:** Fine, but I'm driving!

**Ross:** You still don't have your license!

**Rachel:** Damn it! Alright fine, whatever.

**Rachel**(_to Chandler_): Bye Chandler! We should be back in a couple of hours.

**Ross:** The hospital is 15 minutes away.

**Rachel:** Not with_ you_ driving!

**Chandler:** Wait, you're leaving me here, _alone_? With a sick child?

**Ross:** You'll be fine.

**Chandler**: Are you sure?

**Ross:** Of course I'm sure.

(Chandler smiles)

**Chandler:** OK, thanks.

(Chandler turns back to the cribs and slowly goes to pick up Erica and Ross and Rachel are walking out the door)

**Rachel**(_whispering_): Do you think you'll be able to handle it?

**Ross**(_whispering_): Nope

(Ross turns back over to Chandler)

**Ross: **Ha ha, bye Chandler!

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

[Scene: Joey and Danielle's apartment; Joey walks in and Danielle is sitting in the recliner with a binder and stacks of papers around her]

**Joey:** Hey Danielle.

(Danielle smiles)

**Danielle:** Hi Joey.

(Danielle resumes working and Joey sighs. He tries to act out how to ask Danielle to get up, but doesn't have the heart to tell her to move)

**Joey:** You know, I'll just sit in this chair.

(Joey takes one of the chairs by the island and puts it next to the recliner. He grabs the TV remote and sits down. He tries to turn the TV on, but the remote isn't working. He opens the back of the remote and the batteries are gone)

**Joey:** Danielle, do you know what happened to the batteries?

**Danielle:** Hmm? Oh, right, I took them out.

**Joey:** How come?

**Danielle:** Well... I needed to charge my portable hair dryer.

(Joey sighs)

**Joey:** That's fine... I can just... read.

(Joey fakes a smile and Danielle smiles back. Joey grabs a book from the entertainment center and sits back down. He starts to read it, but gets frustrated)

**Joey:** Oh, who am I kidding? We need to talk!

(Danielle looks up at him)

[Scene: Restaurant; the host walks Phoebe, Mike, and his parents to a table and hands them all menus]

**Host:** Someone should be by to take your drink orders soon.

(They all nod and look at their menus)

**Phoebe**: HOLY-!

(Mike looks over at Phoebe and gives her a look. Phoebe bites her lip)

**Phoebe:** I mean... um, these meals all seem _very_ reasonably priced...

(Mike sighs and Phoebe looks back at her menu. A waiter walks by)

**Waiter:** Hello, I'll be your server for the night, what would you like to drink?

**Bitsy:** I will have the 1971 Chateau red Wine.

**Mike's Dad:** I'll have the same.

**Mike:** Um, I will have a 1988 Bordeaux white wine.

(The waiter looks at Phoebe)

**Waiter:** And you?

**Phoebe:** Yes I will have...

(Phoebe looks over the menu)

**Phoebe:** Um, I'll have some water...

(Mike leans over to Phoebe)

**Mike**(_whispering_): You know my parents _are_ paying for this right? You can order whatever you want.

**Phoebe**: Oh,_ they're_ paying? Alright, then I'll have some of the Chateau-Bordeaux stuff.

**Waiter:** Which one?

**Phoebe**: Um... you know what? Give me both!

(Phoebe smiles and the waiter writes down the order)

**Waiter:** OK, I'll bring those to you in a minute.

(The waiter leaves and Mike sighs)

**Mike:** Well. _This _is gonna be a long night...

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's house; Chandler is sitting on the couch, looking down, when Ross and Rachel walk in with the medicine and Chandler jumps up]

**Chandler**: I wasn't crying!

(Rachel and Ross look at him and Chandler clears his throat. He rubs his eyes)

**Chandler**: So you got the medicine!

**Ross:** Yup, we need to give her a teaspoon every hour.

**Chandler**: Really? That's it? OK, I can do that.

(Chandler smiles and Ross hands Chandler the medicine. Chandler opens the medicine and starts to pour the medicine on a spoon)

**Chandler:** Ross, can you bring Erica over here?

**Ross:** Sure.

(Ross slowly grabs Erica and brings her over to Chandler)

**Chandler:** OK, now Erica, when you take this, it'll make you feel much better. So open your mouth.

(Chandler tries to give Erica the medicine but she won't open her mouth. Chandler tries again but her mouth stays closed. Chandler sighs)

**Chandler: **Come on Erica, open up. Here comes the plane!

(Chandler makes airplane noises and tries to put the spoon in her mouth but she still won't open)

**Chandler**(_whispering_): What am I supposed to do? She won't take the medicine.

**Rachel**: Yes she will. Here, give it.

(Rachel grabs the spoon from Chandler and tries to do the same and have Erica take the medicine but Erica just keeps her mouth closed)

**Rachel**(_baby-voice_): Open up, Erica! Come on! Come on, Erica!

(Rachel gets impatient)

**Rachel:** OK, now Erica. Just take the medicine.

(Rachel grows even more impatient)

**Rachel:** JUST TAKE THE MEDICINE!

**Ross: **Rachel!

(Jack begins to cry and Chandler runs over to Jack's crib. He picks Jack up and looks at Rachel)

**Rachel**(_mouths_): Sorry...

(Chandler pats Jack's back to get him to stop crying)

[Scene: Dining room of the house is Westchester; Monica puts the tops on the silver trays and gets ready to go out in the living room. She takes a deep breath and walks into the living room where all the kids crowd around the food. The woman who answered the door earlier steps in front of the food]

**Woman:** OK, kids, try and get your plate of food one at a time, OK?

(The woman steps out of the way and all of the children pounce on the food. All at once they grab plates and put they're food on it)

**Monica:** Be- be careful with the spaghetti! OK, that's not how we hold a ladle... Alright, see you have to-

(Monica sighs)

**Monica:** Never mind...

(Monica walks over to the couch and sits down. She sees how there is silly string and candy and toys and wrapping paper strewn about the living room. She puts her hands over her ears and closes her eyes)

**Monica**(_thinking_): I'm going to be home soon. I'm going to be home with Chandler. And the twins. And my clean house. My clean house that is quiet.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's; Jack is crying louder, and now Erica is crying, too]

**Chandler**(_to Rachel_): Do you see what you have done?

**Rachel:** I'm sorry!

**Ross:** Rachel, you should be ashamed!

**Chandler:** Why do they keep crying?

(Erica stops crying, coughs, and resumes to cry. Chandler groans)

**Chandler**: Here, Ross, can you hold Jack for me?

**Ross:** Sure.

(Chandler walks over to Erica)

**Chandler:** Erica, you have to take this. Please.

(Chandler puts the spoon up to Erica's mouth. Erica's crying fades out and she takes the medicine. Chandler smiles)

**Chandler:** She did it! She took the medicine!

**Ross: **Yay!

**Rachel**: Aww!

(Chandler picks Erica up and puts her over his shoulder and pats her back. He's still smiling and notices that Jack stopped crying, as well)

**Chandler:** Oh, and you stopped crying, too!

(Chandler looks at Ross and Rachel)

**Chandler:** Thank you. Both of you. For, well, at least _trying_ to help. It means a lot.

**Ross:** Thanks. I think...

**Chandler:** Yeah, I've really missed you guys and I'm glad you came over.

**Rachel:** Aww, well we're glad we did too, we miss seeing you and Monica all the time.

**Ross:** Speaking of Monica, we still need her to unpack our apartment...

(Chandler gives Ross a "really?" look and Ross clears his throat)

**Ross:** Maybe later.

[Scene: Joey and Danielle's apartment]

**Danielle:** Talk about what?

**Joey:** OK, listen, you're a _great_ friend and I lo-

(Danielle raises an eyebrow and Joey clears his throat)

**Joey:** Um, you're-you're a great friend. But... if we're gonna be living together, I do have a couple rules...

**Danielle:** Rules?

**Joey:** Well not so much _rules_,as _regulations_ that should be... y'know... followed.

**Danielle:** So... rules?

**Joey: **OK whatever, if you want to dumb it down...

**Danielle**(_laughs_): OK, so what are these "rules"?

**Joey: **Well, one of them is to not sit in my chair.

(Danielle looks down and sees that she is sitting in his chair)

**Joey:** Um, don't take the batteries out of the remote...

(Danielle bites her lip)

**Joey: **And, y'know, maybe wake up when the alarm goes off.

(Danielle rolls her eyes)

**Joey:** So, if you do all that, you'd be a _much_ better roommate.

**Danielle**(_laughs_): And you think that you're a great roommate?

**Joey:** What are you saying? I'm a great roommate!

**Danielle: **Not really.

(Joey looks at her, skeptical)

**Danielle: **Um, first off, you _do_ live with a girl. You might want to put the seat down every now and again. Second, you eat everything. Third, you have pets that keep _me_ up.

**Joey: **What? Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.?

**Danielle: **Yeah! All night long they're making noise!

**Joey:** Oh... well then...

(Danielle looks at Joey)

**Joey:** Oh whatever! How about we just call it truce and try to just... _learn_ to live together?

(Danielle smiles)

**Danielle:** I can do that.

(Joey smiles back and then his expression turns serious)

**Joey:** ...Except you can't sit in my chair.

(Danielle looks at him)

**Joey:** That means now.

**Danielle:** Oh.

(Danielle starts to get up out of the chair)

[Scene: Restaurant; Phoebe, Mike, and his parents have all eaten and they have their empty plates in front of them. Everyone has one plate in front of them except for Phoebe, who has four plates]

**Phoebe**: Wow, now that vegetarian pate was so delicious.

**Bitsy:** Very small, though.

**Phoebe: **Yeah, but how big can you expect the portions to be when it's the second most expensive thing on the menu?

(Mike sighs)

**Mike:** Hey, Phoebe. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, be nice, OK?

**Phoebe: **OK...

(Mike smiles and stands up to leave. -time lapse- Mike comes back from the bathroom and he sees that Phoebe and his parents are all laughing together. Mike, puzzled, sits back down)

**Mike:** What's so funny?

**Bitsy**(_laughing_): You're father just told a hilarious story.

**Mike**(_smiling_): Really? Which one?

**Bitsy**(_laughing_): He said-

(Bitsy laughs)

**Bitsy:** He-he said. Pfft, I can't. Phoebe, Phoebe, you tell him.

**Phoebe**(_laughing_): OK. Alright.

(Phoebe starts to laugh harder)

**Phoebe**(_laughing_): Oh god, it's too funny. I can't even get through it!

**Bitsy:** I know!

**Mike**(_smiling_): Well it doesn't matter, I'm glad you all are getting along.

**Bitsy:** I'm glad we're getting along, too, dear.

(Bitsy smiles)

**Bitsy: **Ahh, anyway, me and your father are going to go back to the kitchen and complain about the food so we don't have to pay as much.

**Phoebe:** Hey, that's how the rich stay rich, right?

**Bitsy:** Right!

(They all laugh and Phoebe turns to Mike)

**Mike:** So you guys like each other?

**Phoebe:** Yeah, you're parents are really nice, and funny.

M**ike:** I love you.

**Phoebe**(_smiling_): I love you, too.

(Mike and Phoebe kiss)

**END CREDITS**

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's; Chandler is on the couch and Erica is in his lap. Monica walks in]

**Monica:** Chandler!

**Chandler:** Hey Monica, how did the catering job go?

(Monica walks in and sits down next to Chandler)

**Monica: **Horrible. I'm never doing a kid's birthday again.

**Chandler:** Why? What happened?

**Monica: **The kids were all so messy! It's like they had no sense of how to be neat and clean.

**Chandler: **Well, they are kids.

**Monica:** That's what worries me. What if Jack and Erica end up like those kids?

**Chandler**(_laughs_): I don't think that'll be a problem if _you're_ raising them.

(Monica smiles)

**Monica:** So how were things while I was gone?

**Chandler:** Oh, they were great. I had everything under control.

**Monica:** So the twins weren't a problem.

**Chandler:** Psh, not in the least.

**Monica:** Thank God, that'll make me feel better when I leave you here by yourself.

**Chandler:** OK, I'm lying, I was an emotional wreck, please don't leave me by myself ever again!

(Chandler "starts to cry" and puts his head on Monica's shoulder)

**Monica:** Shh, shh. It's OK, Chandler. I won't leave again.

**Chandler: **OK...

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>(AN): As you might've been able to tell, this was also written in 2 days (for the 3rd time now) because I don't know the meaning of time managment. But I swear I'm trying to make time for this. Anyway, I love you all and I hope you enjoyed it regardless. And remember if you think the story is getting worse, let me know and tell me why so I can fix it. And if you like it, let me know so I can keep doing whatever it is I'm doing... Anyway, thanks for reading! **


	6. The One With The Evil Neighbors

**Friends: **The One With The Evil Neighbors

[Scene: Central Perk; Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is drinking coffee and Mike is reading a magazine]

**Mike: **Turn.

(Phoebe set down her coffee and turns to the next page in the magazine and picks up her coffee)

**Mike:** Thanks.

(Phoebe nods and Mike turns to Phoebe. He sets the magazine down)

**Mike: **Hey, Phoebe?

**Phoebe:** Hmm?

**Mike: **I've been thinking...

(Phoebe turns to Mike)

**Mike: **We should go see the Grand Canyon.

**Phoebe:** What? Why?

**Mike:** Cause it'll be fun!

**Phoebe:** But the Grand Canyon?

(Mike nods)

**Phoebe:** Why? I mean, what do people see in that place? It's just a big ditch.

**Mike:** But it was created by the forces of nature!

(Phoebe looks at him)

**Mike:** All right, well we don't have to see the Grand Canyon, then...

(Mike gasps)

**Mike:** We could go para sailing!

**OPENING CREDITS**

[Scene: Ross' and Rachel's apartment; Rachel is setting Emma down into the crib and Ross is grading papers. Rachel walks over to the couch and sits next to Ross, exasperated]

**Rachel:** I'm telling you, Ross. Emma has been really fussy lately. It seems like the littlest things just set her off! I just can't get any sleep! I thought we were done with that!

**Ross:** I know!

**Rachel:** Oh please, when she cries at night, you never get up!

**Ross:** Um, OK, well... do you need a break?

(Rachel groans)

**Rachel:** Ugh, Ross, I thought we were done with this!

(Ross sighs)

**Ross**: No! That's not what I meant...

**Rachel:** Oh.

**Ross:** I _meant_, we could get someone to take of Emma for a little. Like Monica or Chandler.

**Rachel:** Are you kidding? They already have their hands full with the twins.

**Ross:** Oh, right... OK, well, what about Phoebe and Mike?

**Rachel:** You mean the cripple and the woman who thinks it's OK to children play near outlets?

**Ross:** Good point... hmm. Well maybe Joey would-

(Rachel gives him a look)

**Ross:** Yeah that won't work, either.

**Rachel**: You know, Ross. It's fine. I don't need a break. I love spending time with Em-

**Ross: **Oh, wait! There's a professor over at the university, she has a child about Emma's age. Maybe she could take care of her. We're in the same department, so I'm pretty sure she'd do it if I asked.

**Rachel:** Oh, thank God!

(Rachel "faints" and buries her face in Ross arm and he smiles)

[Scene: Joey and Danielle's apartment; Joey is sitting in the recliner watching TV and Danielle is wearing a suit and holding a briefcase, rushing out the door]

**Danielle: **Bye Joey!

**Joey:** Later Danielle.

(Danielle walks over to the door, but stops short and turns around back into her room)

**Joey:** Back so soon?

(Danielle scoffs)

**Danielle:** No! I forgot the keys to my office!

(Danielle sighs and walks into her room and we hear her tossing pillows and other things across the room and groaning)

**Danielle: **UGH! I'm gonna be late!

(Joey gets up and walks into Danielle's room, which is now a wreck)

**Joey: **Danielle?

**Danielle: **I can't find my keys!

**Joey:** Where did you last have them?

(Danielle glares at him and groans)

**Danielle:** Well, if I knew that-

**Joey: **Then you'd have them, right, right.

(Joey looks around the room and Danielle keeps rummaging through the room. Joey's hand is behind his neck and sighs)

**Joey:** I'll help you look.

(Joey helps Danielle look through her room but they find nothing. Danielle throws a pillow to the floor that she had just lifted up and sighs, aggravated)

**Danielle**: It's not here! I can't find them... Can you check in the kitchen? They might be in there.

**Joey:** Sure.

(Joey walks into the kitchen and opens some draws and moves some stuff around, trying to find the keys and he can't find them. He passes the fridge and stops)

**Joey:** Couldn't hurt to check.

(Joey opens the fridge and looks around)

**Joey:** Nope, no keys... but there is a sandwich in here no one's eaten.

(Joey looks around and takes the sandwich he closes the fridge and leans against it as he starts to eat it. Duck Jr. walks by and quacks. Joey thinks nothing of it at first, but then it hits him. He gasps)

**Joey:** Uh, Danielle!

**Danielle:** Yeah?

**Joey: **I think I know where your keys are...

(Danielle jogs out into the kitchen)

**Danielle: **Really? Where?

(Joey looks over at Duck Jr. and Danielle follows the direction he's looking at and sees Duck Jr.)

**Danielle: **Oh, man!

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's house; Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch when their doorbell rings. Monica gets up to answer it and it continues ringing. Monica sighs and walks over to the door and it finishes ringing. She looks at Chandler]

**Monica:** And you thought there couldn't be anything more annoying than the buzzer in our apartment building.

**Chandler: **Yeah, we're gonna have to change that.

(Monica smiles and opens the door. She sees a man and a woman, about Monica and Chandler's age. The woman is holding a casserole and they are both smiling)

**Monica:** Hello. Can I help you?

**Man:** No, we just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.

**Woman:** Mhmm, we saw that you all moved in recently, so we made you a casserole, and we wanted to say welcome!

(The woman hands the casserole to Monica and she takes it)

**Monica:** Aw, that's so nice!

**Woman: **Oh, it's not a problem.

(Chandler walks up behind Monica)

**Chandler:** Who is it?

(Monica turns to Chandler)

**Monica:** Oh these are our new neighbors-

**Woman:** Hi, I'm Julia, and this is my husband, Grant.

**Monica:** Hi Julia. I'm Monica, and this is my husband, Chandler.

**Grant:** Hey.

**Chandler:** Hey.

**Monica:** Anyway, it was so nice of you to make us a casserole, I should've made you something!

**Julia:** Don't worry about it! We're all a big family here. This neighborhood. It's the least we can do.

(Monica smiles and Chandler looks out into the driveway)

**Chandler:** Nice car.

**Grant:** Huh? Oh, yeah. You like it? It's brand new. Top of the line.

**Chandler:** Hmm, interesting.

(Chandler stares at Grant, suspiciously, making Grant uncomfortable. Monica notices this and elbows Chandler. Chandler grunts and Monica smiles at Julia and Grant again)

**Monica:** Well, thank you for such a warm welcome. Would you like to come in?

**Julia:** Oh, no thanks. Grant has to go to work soon, so we just wanted to welcome you real quick.

**Monica: **Oh alright, well thanks again.

**Julia: **You're welcome. Bye Monica and Chandler!

**Monica:** Bye Julia! Bye Grant!

**Grant**(_to Monica_): Have a nice day.

(Monica smiles)

**Grant**(_to Chandler, apathetically_): Bye.

(Grant and Julia leave and Chandler closes the door before he walks back to the twins)

**Monica:** What was that all about?

**Chandler:** What was _what_ all about?

**Monica: **The neighbors, you seemed to not like them.

(Monica sets the casserole on the counter and takes the tinfoil off)

**Chandler:** Because, they are out to get us!

**Monica: **Excuse me?

**Chandler: **This morning, on my way to work, someone cut me off in traffic. And it was the same car. I remember, because I wished I had _it_ instead of the stupid car we have now...

**Monica: **It's a Porsche!

**Chandler: **Is _it_ top of the line?

(Monica doesn't say anything)

**Chandler:** That's what I thought...

**Monica:** Well, so what? He cut you off in traffic. Big deal.

**Chandler: **Ah, but that wasn't all. On my way to work, I stopped to get a doughnut at the drive through. And Grant was right in front of me. When it was my turn, I asked for a Boston Crème, and he took the last one!

(Monica stares at him)

**Monica: **So let me get this straight... you don't like Grant because he cut you off in traffic... and took the last doughnut?

**Chandler:** Yes.

**Monica:** Oh, well that's perfectly rational!

**Chandler:** See? I'm glad you see it my way!

**Monica: **I was being sarcastic!

**Chandler: **Hey, I thought I was the only one allowed to do that.

(Monica sighs)

**Monica: **I just don't see why you don't like him so much. Maybe he was in a rush to get work.

**Chandler:** And you don't think I was?

**Monica:** Well, he didn't know that. He also didn't know he took the last doughnut.

**Chandler:** How do _you_ know?

**Monica: **Yeah, you know what, you're right. When we moved in, he probably did a ton of research on you to find out what you're favorite doughnut was. And then, from all his research, he calculated what day you would go get a doughnut, and went into the doughnut shop ahead of time to buy out all the Boston Crème doughnuts. Being very sure to only leave one. Then, he cut you off in traffic, so he could get ahead of you in the line, and he bought the last one right before you could get to it.

**Chandler:** Exactly!

(Monica looks at him)

**Chandler: **Oh...

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

[Scene: Central Perk; Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, continuing their previous conversation]

**Phoebe: **Why would we go para sailing?

**Mike:** Because, Phoebe! We need to do something fun! We never do anything fun!

**Phoebe:** What are you talking about?

(Mike sighs)

**Mike:** I'm getting my cast off in a week, and it got me thinking. I've realized how I can't do the simple things I could do before I broke my arms. I mean, I take so many things for granted, you know?

**Phoebe: **I guess.

**Mike:** No, Phoebe, you don't understand. I mean, it only took you like, 3 seconds, to break both of my arms. It all happened so fast, and neither of us saw it coming. I almost wouldn't have been able to play piano ever again, Phoebe

(Phoebe looks at him trying to follow along)

**Mike:** What I'm saying, is that, we could die at any time, and you know, we've barely even lived.

**Phoebe: **I still don't get what you're saying, we played dominoes justthe other day.

(Mike gives her a look)

**Phoebe:** What? That's fun!

(Mike sighs)

[Scene: Joey and Danielle's apartment; Joey and Danielle are sitting on the floor watching Duck Jr. as he walks back and forth, quacking, and Danielle sighs over dramatically]

**Danielle:** So, I guess "going to work on time" is out of the question.

**Joey: **Ha, probably.

(Danielle laughs)

**Danielle:** Oh well.

(Danielle sits falls back onto the floor and looks at the ceiling with her arm behind her head supporting it)

**Danielle: **I needed a little time off anyway.

(She closes her eyes and smiles. Joey takes the same position and yawns)

**Joey: **Me too, I've been so busy with work.

(Danielle opens and eye)

**Danielle: **Excuse me?

**Joey:** Yeah, I'm always on set, shooting scene after scene... it gets tiring.

(Danielle laughs and sits up. Joey sits up, too)

**Joey: **What? What's so funny?

**Danielle:** It's just, Joey... you barely do anything. You work like, 15 hours a week!

**Joey:** Yeah...?

**Danielle: **Well, you're an actor. And you're only on one TV show?

**Joey: **It's not my fault, my agent died!

**Danielle:** Maybe you should consider getting a new agent, then?

**Joey:** It took me ten years to get the first one! I can't wait another ten years!

**Danielle:** Ha, well, I'll find someone for you. Don't worry.

(Danielle gives Joey a reassuring smile and he smiles back)

**Danielle:** Hey, maybe Audrey'll do it.

**Joey:** You think?

**Danielle:** Yeah, she has a ton of free time. And I'm sure she would love to be involved in all of that acting stuff.

**Joey:** Does she have an experience?

**Danielle:** How much experience do you need/

**Joey:** Good point...

(Danielle smiles and Duck Jr. gags)

**Danielle:** My keys!

(Danielle goes to grab them but moves back)

**Danielle: **Yeah, I'll just wait for the smell to you know... die down a little.

(Danielle covers her mouth and gets up and walks into her room)

[Scene: Rachel is on the couch bouncing Emma on her knee. Emma giggles and Rachel hugs her when she hears "Ross's special knock" (ba da da da, da da) on the door. Rachel rolls her eyes]

**Rachel:** Come in! ...And you don't have to do that every time!

(Ross opens the door)

**Ross:** Sorry

(Ross walks in and leaves the door open for a beautiful woman. She walks in and smiles at Rachel)

**Woman:** Hi, my name is Natasha.

(Rachel stares at her, intimidated)

**Rachel:** Natasha.

(Natasha nods)

**Rachel:** Um, OK, who are you?

**Ross: **Oh, sorry. Rachel, this is Natasha, she is a new paleontology professor over at NYU. And Natasha, this is my girlfriend, Rachel.

**Natasha:** Nice to meet-

**Rachel:** Huh, yeah? Whatever. Um, Ross can I see you in the kitchen for a second?

**Ross:** Sure.

**Rachel:** Just stay here Natasha, we'll be right back.

(Rachel walks into the kitchen and Ross followers her)

**Rachel**(_hushed_): This is the woman who is going to be watching my daughter?

**Ross:** Huh? Why? Do you have a problem with her?

**Rachel: **She just doesn't look responsible is all...

(Ross laughs)

**Ross: **Are... you... jealous?

**Rachel:** What? No! I have you now, I'm not jealous. I just don't trust her with Emma.

**Ross: **That's all?

**Rachel:** That's all.

**Ross:** You're not jealous?

**Rachel:** I'm not jealous.

**Ross:** So, you wouldn't have a problem with me staying here then, with Natasha and Emma.

(Rachel bites her lip)

**Ross: **But if you're jealous-

**Rachel:** I'm not jealous!

**Ross: **So you wouldn't have a problem with me staying here then, would you?

**Rachel**: No... of- of course not.

(Ross smiles)

**Ross: **You sure?

**Rachel:** Sure.

(Ross hugs Rachel and sways her back and forth)

**Ross:** I love you.

(Rachel pulls away)

**Rachel: **Yeah, whatever.

[Scene: Chandler and Monica's house; Chandler laying on the couch, watching TV and Monica is in the kitchen, cutting into the casserole]

**Monica:** Chandler? Are you sure you don't want a piece of this casserole?

**Chandler: **You mean the casserole from the evil neighbors? No thanks.

**Monica: **It's tuna?

**Chandler: **Monica, I really don't want any casserole.

**Monica:** I'm cutting you a piece anyway.

(Chandler sighs and Monica walks into the living room and hands Chandler a plate and sets hers down on the coffee table)

**Monica:** Just try it Chandler. It's really good.

**Chandler:** Fine.

(Chandler grabs the fork and takes a bite of the casserole)

**Chandler**(_chewing_): Hey, you're right. It's not bad. There's no poison in here.

**Monica:** See?

**Chandler:** Yeah, this is really goo-

**Monica:** What?

(Chandler makes a face and pulls a band-aid out of his mouth. He sees it and starts to gag. Monica covers her mouth)

**Chandler:** Bleugh!

**Monica:** Is that what I think it is?

**Chandler:** Yeah-huh.

(Chandler runs over to the sink and uses the nozzle to wash out his mouth)

**Monica:** Sorry...

(Chandler rubs his tongue violently with his palm)

**Chandler:** Bleh.

(Chandler shudders)

**Monica: **Was it used?

(Chandler's expression turns blank)

**Chandler:** No, I don't think so. No, I'm sure they put fresh ones in there to add flavor.

(Monica looks down)

**Chandler: **Ugh, I can't believe this. What did I tell you? The neighbors are out to get me!

**Monica: **Chandler...

**Chandler: **Out to get me!

**Monica:** Chandler, it was just an accident, I'm sure. You're looking way too much into this.

**Chandler:** Am I Monica? Am I?

**Monica:** Yes...?

[Scene: Phoebe and Mike's apartment; Phoebe is on the couch and Mike walks out holding a brochure]

**Mike:** Phoebe, Phoebe. Guess what?

**Phoebe: **What?

**Mike:** I found this brochure on rock climbing, and I figure, and I did the math, and if I'm able to get 100 more gigs at the rate I get payed now, we'll have enough money to go rock climbing in Chile!

**Phoebe:** Oh my God, Mike, we can rock climbing for free down at the rec center.

(Mike groans)

**Mike:** Pheebs, you don't understand. That's different. At the rec center, you don't have as much of a risk, and there's no danger.

**Phoebe:** So? What's so great about risking you're life?

**Mike:** Come on, Phoebe, you haven't really lived until you've come closed to dying.

**Phoebe: **But you want to do all these crazy things. I mean, what's so wrong with living together here?

**Mike: **You're right... New York _is_ pretty dangerous.

(Phoebe pauses for a moment and thinks)

**Phoebe:** OK, that's not _exactly_ what I was trying to say...

**Mike: **Oh...

**Phoebe:** But that's good. As long as you're done with the whole "living on the edge" thing.

**Mike:** I guess I am. I guess it's also pretty thrilling to be in a relationship with you...

**Phoebe: **Awww...

(Mike smiles)

**Phoebe:** Wait, that _was_ sweet, right?

(Mike laughs and nods)

**Phoebe:** Oh, OK. Good. Aww...

(Mike smiles and sits back in the couch as Phoebe grabs a magazine and begins to read it)

**Mike: **Can I get a motorcycle?

(Phoebe sighs and sets the magazine down)

**Phoebe:** OK, I guess _that_ talk didn't work. Let's try it again.

(Phoebe sits up and clears her throat)

[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment; Ross and Natasha are playing with Emma, laughing and having a good time. Rachel runs in and slams the door. Ross and Natasha look up at Rachel]

**Ross: **Hey Rach, how was the spa?

**Rachel:** It was great, Ross, really.

**Ross:** You sure? You sound like you didn't have a good time.

**Rachel:** Oh, no, I had a _great_ time.

(Rachel gives Ross a slightly threatening look and Ross looks at her, unsure of why she's acting that way. Natasha looks at both of them)

**Natasha:** Well, now that you're back. I guess I should leave.

(Natasha stands up and grabs her purse and coat)

**Natasha:** Bye Dr. Geller.

**Ross:** Bye Dr.-

(Rachel gives Ross another look and he clears his throat)

**Ross:** Um. Bye.

(Natasha nods and leaves. Rachel slowly walks over to Ross and sits down next to him)

**Rachel**: So, Ross. How was your play date?

**Ross: **Fine. I missed_ you_, though.

**Rachel:** Whatever...

**Ross:** What?

(Rachel doesn't say anything)

**Ross:** Come on, Rachel, are you sure you aren't jealous?

(Rachel sighs)

**Rachel:** OK, maybe, I _am_... a little bit.

**Ross:** Why?

**Rachel: **Because, Ross! Because she's pretty, she's a good mom, she's a dumb paleontologist... She even calls you Dr. Geller. She's perfect.

**Ross: **What? Rachel, I don't notice any of that stuff, because the only girl I see... is you...

(Rachel smiles)

**Ross:** Oh and Emma.

**Rachel: **Right, of course.

(Ross laughs)

**Rachel:** What? What is so funny?

**Ross: **I can't believe you were jealous!

**Rachel:** What's the big deal?

(Ross smiles)

**Ross:** Nothing...

(Rachel smiles)

**END CREDITS**

[Scene: Audrey's office; Joey walks in and Audrey stands up as soon as she does, holding a portfolio]

**Joey: **Hey, new agent.

**Audrey:** Hi, new client.

**Joey: **Alright, so have you found anything?

**Audrey:** Not yet, but I've spent the last 4 or 5 hours researching how to be a talent agent, what casting directors look for, blah blah blah... And I think it's safe to say that you will be getting a lot of work soon.

(Audrey smiles)

**Joey:** Oh, you didn't have to do that.

**Audrey:** It's fine. I wanted to.

**Joey:** I hope it wasn't too much trouble...?

**Audrey: **Not at all.

(Joey smiles)

**Joey:** I really appreciate it.

**Audrey:** You better! Do you know how hard this was?

**Joey:** You just said it was no trouble!

(Audrey shrugs and hands Joey a portfolio. He reluctantly takes it. Audrey smiles and so does Joey.

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>(AN): Alright, not sure if this was a good episode or not (they honestly all seem the same to me) but it wasn't written in one day so don't expect it to be fabulous. I'm seriously trying to manage how much time I spend on these so they always turn out great, but I just feel like I should post them every Thursday, regardless. Let me know if you feel differently. Anyway. I love you all! **


	7. The One With All The Badminton

**Friends: **The One With All The Badminton

[Scene: Central Perk; Monica and Chandler are sitting on the center couch. Monica is drinking coffee and Chandler's arm is around her. The twins are in a joint stroller, sleeping next to the couch. Chandler looks at his watch]

**Chandler:** Unbelievable. We make an effort to be here on time and they don't even show up!

**Monica:** Come on, they'll be here. They're just running late.

**Chandler: **Well, now I'm _not_ sorry we were late last time.

(Chandler shifts on the couch and folds his arms across his chest and Monica rolls her eyes. Monica looks into one of the strollers and makes baby noises when Ross and Rachel walk in)

**Rachel:** Monica! Chandler! Sorry we're late.

**Ross:** Yeah, sorry. We totally lost track of time. We didn't mean to keep you waiting. Hey, Chandler-

(Chandler looks away from Ross and Ross sighs)

**Ross:** Chandler...

**Monica:** Don't mind him. He's sleep deprived.

(Ross nods and sits down on the armchair while Rachel sits on the arm. Chandler looks at Monica and scoffs)

**Monica:** Did I offend you?

(Chandler looks at everyone and then back at Monica)

**Chandler**: Yeah, don't mind me. I'm sleep deprived...

**Monica:** Anyway, how have you guys been? What's it like living together again?

**Rachel:** It's great. I honestly don't know why we didn't do it sooner. I mean, why did I even move out in the first place?

**Chandler:** Oh, well because Ross was always really jealous and it got on your nerves.

(Ross gives Chandler a look to tell him to stop, but he doesn't acknowledge him. Rachel looks at Chandler and tilts her head)

**Chandler:** Oh come on, you remember! You gave some guy your number and Ross never gave it to you.

(Rachel looks at Chandler a little harder trying to remember and Ross tries to tell him to stop)

**Chandler: **Yeah, yeah. And then you kissed that one guy, so you and Ross got in a fight? Remember? And you didn't want to live with him because he was so jealous and controlling, and-

**Ross:** Chandler!

(Rachel looks at Ross and Chandler looks at Monica)

**Chandler:** Yeah, I don't think I should be allowed to speak when I'm sleep deprived.

**Monica:** You think?

**OPENING CREDITS**

**Ross**(_to Rachel_): But, you see, back then... we weren't together. And that's why you were mad that I was jealous.

(Rachel says nothing and Ross sighs and clears his throat)

**Ross:** So-so, um... now that we _are_ together, I'm not as vulnerable. And I'm not jealous, because I have you.

**Rachel:** You _have_ me?

**Ross:** What? No! You-you know what I meant. I'm just saying-

(Phoebe and Mike walk in. Mike's hands are behind his back and Ross turns around)

**Ross:** Oh, hey! Look! It's Phoebe and Mike! Let's-let's talk to them, shall we?

**Phoebe:** Hey guys! We're here!

(Phoebe and Mike walk over to the couch and Chandler and Monica scoot over so they can sit down)

**Phoebe:** Sorry we're late, but we were a little busy at the hospital.

**Monica:** Why were you at the hospital?

**Phoeb**e(_acting_): I don't know. Mike, why were we at the hospital?

(Mike smiles and takes his arms out from behind his back and shows them that the casts are off. Everyone reacts and starts exclaiming)

**Chandler:** Hey, you got your casts are off!

(Everyone stares at Chandler)

**Monica:** Yes, we know Captain Obvious.

(Chandler turns to Monica and gives her a look)

**Chandler:** I just wanted to make it clear for everyone, Sergeant Sarcastic.

**Monica:** Oh, _I'm_ sarcastic?

**Chandler: **Hmm... do I sense a tone of... sarcasm?

(Monica scoffs, offended. Chandler gives her a yeah-that's-right look, and turns back to Mike)

**Chandler:** So, how do you feel?

**Mike:** It's actually kind of weird. I haven't used my arms in a while, so their a little... well...

(Mike gestures his head towards phoebe and she nods. She picks up one of Mike's arms and lets it fall. His arm immediately falls off the edge of the couch)

**Mike:** ...flimsy.

(Mike manages a smile and Phoebe giggled. She grabs his arm again and drops it. It falls of the edge of the couch again. Phoebe laughs and Mike tries to ignore it. She does it again and laughs)

**Mike:** Hey, Phoebe. My arm?

(Phoebe tries to stop laughing)

**Phoebe:** Oh, I'm sorry Mike...

(Phoebe bites her lip in an attempt to sustain herself from laughing and looks away. Mike sighs contently now that she's done and smiles at everyone. Phoebe looks back at Mike)

**Phoebe:** Just one more time?

(Mike sighs)

**Mike:** Fine. One more time!

**Phoebe: **Eee!

(Phoebe does it again and laughs. She tries to stop laughing)

**Phoebe:** OK. OK. I'm done.

**Mike:** Thanks.

(Mike kisses her on the cheek when Joey walks in)

**Ross:** Hey, Joey.

**Rachel:** Hi.

(Joey nods at everyone and pulls out the chair at the table on the left and sits down)

**Joey: **Sorry I'm late everyone.

**Monica:** Oh, that's OK. Don't worry about it.

**Chandler**(_sarcastic_): Yeah, don't worry about it. It's not like we had to get up earlier and miss out on sleep, just so we could come here and have a cup of coffee with all of you.

(Monica turns to Chandler)

**Monica:** OK, you need to stop.

**Chandler**(_ashamed_): I know.

(Joey sighs and Monica turns around)

**Monica:** Is something wrong?

**Rachel:** Yeah, what's up?

**Joey:** Well, the reason I was late was because I was waiting for Danielle to come back to the apartment so we could come here together.

**Ross: **Where is she?

**Joey:** I don't know. Still at work I guess.

(Everyone nods)

**Joey:** I don't know why, though. I mean, it's Saturday, but she always goes to the office to do her work.

(Everyone nods and Joey sighs)

**Joey:** I think she might have a problem. Like, she works all the time. She's like an alcoholic... but instead of being addicted to drinking, she's addicted to working. I mean, is there a word for that?

(Rachel looks up and then back at Joey)

**Rachel:** Work addict, maybe?

**Joey**: No...

**Ross:** Workaholic?

**Joey:** Alright, now you're just making up words!

(Joey laughs and everyone rolls their eyes when Danielle walks in, Audrey behind her. Joey sees her and stands up, almost too quickly, knocking his knee on the table. The coffee that was already on the table, shakes from the table, and some of it spills out. Joey fumbles to keep everything still. He slowly steps back, to make sure it's not going to move, and turns around to Danielle. He clears his throat)

**Joey:** Hey Danielle.

(Danielle smiles)

**Danielle:** Hi Joey. I brought Audrey, just in case you had to work on some audition stuff.

(Joey looks and Audrey and she fakes a smile)

**Audrey: **Yup. That's what I'm here for. Audition stuff...

(Joey nods, and quickly turns back to Danielle. Audrey sighs)

**Joey:** Come on, let's go sit down.

(Joey puts his hand behind Danielle and leads the to the table. He pulls out a chair for her and she sits down. As Joey sits down, Audrey looks for a seat but can't find one)

**Audrey:** I'll just stand...

(Chandler leans forward and looks at Danielle and Audrey)

**Chandler:** Wait a second. Joey, you can't just bring in two new people to our group like this.

(Joey looks at him, confused)

**Joey**: What are you talking about?

**Chandler: **I mean, it's fine if your, you know, dating someone. Then they can sit with us at the coffeehouse, but you can't just invite two people over who either aren't the six of us, or dating the six of us.

**Mike: **Yeah! When Phoebe and I broke up, _I_ wasn't able to hang out with you guys.

**Chandler:** Thank you, Mike. See? I'm right.

**Rachel:** Well, actually Chandler, I don't think you have a say in the six of us anymore, because you moved away.

(Joey points at Rachel)

**Joey: **Yeah!

**Chandler:** Oh, so my opinion doesn't matter anymore?

**Monica: **Chandler, I love you... but did it really ever matter?

(Chandler, offended, inhales and begins to say something, but doesn't. He exhales deeply)

**Chandler:** Yeah, I guess you're right...

(Monica nods)

**Joey:** Besides, I was going to invite Danielle...

(He turns to Audrey)

**Joey:** ...and Audrey, to uh, Thanksgiving.

(Audrey smiles)

**Danielle:** Really?

**Joey:** Of course, your my roommate, why wouldn't I invite you?

(Danielle smiles and Monica leans forward)

**Monica:** Wait a second. I'm gonna have to cook Thanksgiving dinner for...

(Monica counts everyone)

**Monica:** Oh my God,_ nine_ people?

**Ross:** Actually, ten. I was thinking of asking Carol if Ben could come over for Thanksgiving.

**Monica:** Oh my God!

**Chandler:** Actually, nine. I don't eat Thanksgiving food, remember?

**Monica:** Yeah, I know. But who's going to cook you're chicken?

**Chandler:** Oh. Right, sorry. Ten.

(Monica sighs and Phoebe looks at Ross)

**Phoebe:** Wait a second, Ben's coming over for Thanksgiving?

(Ross and Rachel look at each other and smile)

**Ross:** Hopefully, I mean, I've never had Ben over for Thanksgiving, so hopefully I can this year.

**Phoebe**(_smiling_): Oh that's nice.

(Ross looks at his watch)

**Ross:** Sss, actually. We better drive over there now if we want to catch her before she has to go to work.

(Ross and Rachel begin to get up and grab their coats)

**Chandler:** Wait a second, you just got here. You're leaving so soon?

**Ross:** Yeah, sorry about that.

**Rachel:** We'll see you all later.

**Everyone:** Bye!

(Ross and Rachel leave and Chandler sighs)

**Audrey:** Actually, we better get going, too. Joey has an audition in like, half an hour.

**Chandler:** Why'd you even come if you knew you'd be leaving soon after? Hmm? Was it just to tease me? Do all of you like to see me being vulnerable?

(Chandler begins to cry and Audrey just stares at him. Monica sets her hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him down. She turns to Joey and everyone)

**Monica:** Sorry, everyone. But he's only had about four of five hours of sleep all week, so...

(Everyone nods and Joey clears his throat)

**Joey: **Alright, let's go!

(Joey, Danielle, and Audrey leave and Chandler sighs. He turns to Mike and Phoebe)

**Chandler:** Are you guys going to leave, too?

**Mike:** No... it's not like I can drive anywhere.

(Phoebe lifts Mike arm again)

**Mike:** Phoebe.

(She sets his arm down)

**Phoebe: **Sorry.

**Mike: **It's OK...

**Chandler: **Alright, so if you don't have anything to do, why don't we all do something together?

**Mike:** Yeah that'd be fun.

**Monica:** Cool, so what do you wanna do?

**Mike:** Well, I really need to strengthen my arms, so I was thinking that we could, if you're up for it... play some table tennis.

(Phoebe gasps over dramatically and everyone looks at her)

**Phoebe:** Sorry.

**Chandler: **Um, anyway... do you have a tennis table?

**Mike: **Oh... no.

**Chandler:** Too bad...

**Mike:** Oh! But I do have a net... and some racquets.

**Chandler:** Oh... are you about to suggest what I_ think _you're about to suggest?

**Mike:** That's right.

**Mike and Chandler:** Badminton.

(Chandler and Mike give each other threatening looks and Monica and Phoebe look at each other)

**Phoebe:** Do you know what just happened?

**Monica:** No, but I think I like it...

(Phoebe rolls her eyes and sits back)

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**


End file.
